


Singularity

by Durinsbride



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Attraction, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 14:16:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6960409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Durinsbride/pseuds/Durinsbride
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sheldon is injured, Penny runs to his side…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Attack

**Author's Note:**

> This story is unfinished and abandoned, please be aware. I'm posting it to archive it here and to share it as it is. I hope you'll understand.

Prologue: He jests at scars that never felt a wound

Friday Evening, May 6, 2011

Leonard was busy packing for his upcoming trip to Seattle for the conference. He seemed truly happy, excited about the opportunities this occasion would present, and he was wholly consumed with his travel arrangements and the like.

Good, thought Sheldon, Go.

He wanted to be alone.

He was sitting at his work desk, computer humming underneath his still hands, staring blankly at the screen. He'd been reading his work email earlier and stumbled across an old message from Kripke.

Something told him not to open it. He was about to delete it when he happened to glace at the date—late summer 2009.

Just after they got back from the Arctic.

It was that alone that should have stopped him, but his curiosity could never be denied and before he thought it through, he'd opened it, and read—

An elegant, sharply worded insult. A masterpiece of derision and mockery. With every sentence his jaw tightened, his long fingers slowly curling into fists and his throat tightening until his neck and shoulders were knotted with pain.

Betrayal. That's what it was, what had happened to him in the Arctic. His best friend and roommate, someone he was supposed to trust, had made him a laughingstock. Destroyed his reputation. He'd saved Leonard's life once—even saved his career and his future when he inadvertently scared off Joyce Kim—and this was how his friendship was repaid.

With lies.

Betrayal.

Like any emotion, he'd tried valiantly to suppress his it, to bury it so deep in his psyche that he could destroy it, remove it, by sheer will, from the warehouse of his formidable memory.

And it had almost worked. It had taken some time, but eventually, after long nights with a twisted sick feeling his gut he finally felt that he was able to forgive Leonard and the others for what they'd done. Soon, he found he was able to smile again, able to carry on as if it had never happened. He was brilliant, after all. He was destined to win the Nobel Prize for his work, because one day, he would solve the mysteries of the universe, he'd capture the Holy Grail, the Truth, the Theory of Everything.

But now—

Now the hot, heavy feeling in his gut pulled at him from inside. He'd been made an object of ridicule among his peers. Kripke's derision was nothing to that, to that horrible interlude after the Arctic when he'd had to answer to charges of ineptitude, incompetence, and fraudulence. Everything he'd ever done, or published, was called into question. He was still picking up the pieces.

He was supposed to be my friend…my best friend.

"So…hey…I was thinking…you wanna do something simple for supper tonight rather than order take out?"

Sheldon heard Leonard moving about behind him, opening and closing the cabinet doors, rooting through their pantry. "How about soup and grilled cheese…well, no grilled cheese for me, of course, but what do you say?"

Sheldon didn't answer. Couldn't answer. Lost inside himself, lost in the past, he didn't notice the single tear that fell from the corner of his eye only to drop on the back of his hand. A salty little pool that expanded, then gradually evaporated, leaving no trace.

"Sheldon?"

The taller man was hunched over his laptop, working on something, he supposed. Leonard frowned, and then shrugged to himself. Figures that Crazy was off into some land of his own, chasing strings and dark matter and unseen dimensions.

It was just like him to be so insensitive.

"What's the matter? You sick or something?"

Still no answer.

Frowning, somewhat unsettled, Leonard stared at the other man for some time, an odd mixture of exasperation and affection pulling at her features. If he didn't know any better, he'd say that something was bothering Sheldon. He seemed almost…blue.

Shaking his head, Leonard resumed his preparations for dinner. What was his deal, anyway? What did he ever have to feel upset about, in his monkish, virginal existence?

"Fine—"he said suddenly, before he knew that he intended to speak, "don't start complaining later on when you're hungry. I've got packing to do."

Sheldon's long, straight back never moved.

~xX0Xx~

Saturday: May 7, 2011

The next morning, Sheldon went straight to his whiteboard.

He'd had a troubled, fitful sleep, and dark dreams.

There was cold, endless cold, and a pair of dark, mocking eyes following his every move. Jealous, envious eyes.

In the dream, there had been a whiteboard before him, but the equations were gibberish, nonsensical. They kept changing! He tried to understand, erasing one element and substituting another, but everything he wrote somehow changed the moment his marker left the surface to place another stroke. Numbers moved, fuzzy around the edges, they lied to him, and he couldn't find their sum.

Now, as the gray-pink dawn lit the sky, he set to his whiteboard and wrote as fast as his hand could move, never as fast as his mind, plotting in an intricate, symbolic language—

Rs(M¯) » 3 km

A collapsed star…

Rs(109M¯) » 20 A.U.

A collapsed star cluster…

And he stepped back, blinking rapidly, waiting for the numbers and letters to change, to skate away off the edge of the board, to blur and blend before his eyes until he couldn't read what they said, couldn't understand…

When they did not, when nothing changed, when he realized he could understand what he had written, he heaved a sigh relaxing from his crouched, expectant posture.

Something hard snapped, then gave way under his foot.

Scowling, he lifted his slippered foot and glanced downward, momentarily distracted by the noise, the feel of something underfoot—

It was…a star?

A sunny yellow star, with a glittering, copper heart. The scowl faded, replaced by a soft, wondering sort of smile.

A star, yes, a Penny Blossom.

He bent and scooped it up from the floor, examining it under the light. The back was bent, the clasp broken, the silken petals dusty and tread marked from the floor.

It was…beautiful.

Like her…

He slipped the sad little flower into the pocket of his robe, his hand cradling it for another moment before he let it go, dropped it into the depths of his pocket, where it was forgotten.

Because he was already bent over his board, erasing what he'd written, starting again, with fresh, original research.

What he'd written! Simple, elementary physics, mere trifles, just to test himself, to see if he was still capable, still a genius, still a contender for the Nobel Prize…

There was nothing wrong with him. It was just a dream. A nightmare. He'd lost nothing of his competence, his genius, his unique understanding.

The scowl returned.

Even so, he had to stay ahead of the numbers…

~xX0Xx~

That Same Morning...

"Next!"

Penny was bent over her script, deep in concentration. She was so focused she hadn't heard them call her into the audition room.

There was a deep, tired sigh as the casting assistant glanced down at her clipboard. She shouldn't. She really shouldn't, but what the hell, she was feeling sorry for all of these beautiful, vapid blondes lined up outside the audition room eagerly waiting for their chance in the spotlight, the chance to blow them all away, and catch their Big Break.

Though her sympathy was at a low, and she contemplated skipping the next person in retaliation, she thought of her karma, and thought it was probably a bad idea. One of these empty-headed beauties could be the Next Big Thing, and knowing her luck, she'd sooner or later be fetching them their morning latte and Green M&M's…

Heaving another sigh, she read the next name off of the list.

"Penelope Bloom!"

No response.

"Is there a Penelope Bloom here?"

She waited a second, scanning the assembled blondes leaning this way and that along the length of the hall. Some of them looked up at her for a moment, hopeful, only to look away when they realized she wasn't calling for them. The rest were reading the provided script aloud, emoting to the ether as they practiced, and waiting their turn.

So she waited just a second more, and when no one answered, she gathered breath to shout out another tried and true 'next!' She wasn't going to call out a name again. She was done with her little bit of charity for the day—

"Ne—"

"Oh! Wait! That's me! I'm coming! Just a sec!"

One of the sunny little fluffs pulled herself away from the rest, gathering her script and her bottled water (because god forbid that she put on weight, of course—that any of them did) jogging over to her, her face lit by a nervous smile, hand outstretched in greeting.

"Hi!" Even her voice was sunny yellow. Way too chipper for this time of day. "I'm Penelope Ow—uh…Bloom. Nice to meet you!"

The other woman glanced down at the proffered hand, a slight frown marring her features. Well, wasn't this cute. This one pretended to have manners, sincerity…

But when she glanced up and met the girl's eyes, she was taken aback by their open, honest expression, and the quick intelligence that animated the smoky grey-green of her gaze. She was a beauty, true, but there was something very sweet in her expression that spoke of an open, giving nature. She was nicely dressed, maybe a little too girl-next-door, but nice, and there was a bright yellow flower barrette in her hair, just above her right ear. She shook the girl's hand.

"What's this?" she found herself asking, gesturing toward the flower.

Penny smiled, truly pleased.

"This?" the girl asked, gesturing towards the barrette, "oh…this is a Penny Blossom. I make them!"

Despite herself, the other woman softened, returning her smile. "Anyway…" the girl said after a beat, "sorry to make you wait. May I come in now?"

The older woman nodded her head, feeling some guilt at her prior thoughts. Maybe this one was different after all.

"This way—"she gestured, stepping back to allow the girl to pass her into the audition room. "Good luck," she called after her, before she could stop herself.

"Thanks!" Penny returned, squaring her shoulders and walking into the audition room…

~xX0Xx~

Saturday Afternoon...

Stars.

The answer, the answer to everything, the only answer that would matter, was there. It had to be.

In stars.

He contemplated the singularity at the heart of the black hole, where, theoretically, there is infinite space-time curvature due to an infinitely intense gravitational field from a region of zero volume…

Remember—

Bekenstein and Hawking postulated that quantum data did not stay trapped at its center…radiation carried it away, encoding it in the delicate correlations between the outgoing quanta. In other words, nothing is squashed out of existence…nothing…

Not even the minute particles that made him who and what he was…and that was an oddly comforting thought.

He sighed, stepping away from his white board because he was starting to see double. The numbers swayed and vibrated in his vision, much like quantum strings, but it didn't help him clear his head, or get past this latest…obstacle.

Damn.

He was stuck.

Stuck?!

He was tempted to grab the board and snap it half with his bare hands—that is, he would do that if he had the Hulk's mighty strength, or Superman's, for that matter.

Sheldon held his hands in front of his face, studying the long, elegant fingers, the slender wrists, the squared palms.

He had nothing. All he had where these puny, mortal hands.

He grit his teeth.

And this useless, circling, shoddy EXCUSE for a hypothesis!

Sheldon growled in frustration and ran his hands through his hair, an action that caused the normally neat, sharply controlled strands to feather and spike in several directions, unaware of the roguish look it gave him. It was heightened by two day's worth of stubble lining his jaw, and his heavy hooded eyes from lack of sleep.

He was never going to win the Nobel…not if things kept going like this. Why was he so sub-par? Why could he not meet, match, and surpass the most formidable minds of his age?

When he had to, he must…

What the hell had Leonard done to him?

~xX0Xx~

Later that same Saturday Afternoon...

Somehow, Penny found herself at their door, though she hardly remembered how she got there. She must have knocked, though she didn't remember doing so, because her hand was resting on the flat surface of their door, the slight pain in her knuckles already fading as she stood staring at the brass 4A fastened above them.

She closed her eyes. It wasn't a good idea for her to be here, not when she was like this. When she couldn't think, couldn't breathe...

Fresh tears threatened, but she stifled them almost immediately. She wasn't going to cry. Not now. Not ever. She wasn't going to think about it.

Right now Penny needed to talk to (Sheldon) someone.

About quantum particles. Pulsating strings. Fuzzballs. Anything.

(Lasers?)

She shook her head, unaware that she was doing so, and just what she had questioned and rejected, or the significance of her denial. She reached down and the knob turned easily in her hands, something she didn't question, only knowing that right now she wanted to get inside, to see them, without stopping to dig for her spare key in her purse.

"Sheldon?" she called out, stepping into their apartment. "Leon—"

She paused when she saw him standing by the large bay window, holding a white board in front of him like some oversize piece of notebook paper, frowning as he scanned its length, muttering to himself.

Penny took a breath to steel herself and master her emotions. Even as clueless as Sheldon was, she didn't want him to know how she was feeling, or that anything was wrong.

"Hey!" she called out, doing her level best to sound happy and unconcerned. "There you are. What's up? Is Leonard home?"

She was surprised to find that she really didn't care if Leonard were or not, and was rather hoping he wasn't. She'd asked, she supposed, because in some weird way she felt like she had to. Like it was some sort of…obligation.

But Sheldon didn't answer, didn't even turn around or indicate that he'd heard her. He appeared deep in thought.

Maybe she should just go…

"Guess not. So what's up?" she found herself asking instead, walking over to take her accustomed spot on the couch, picking up a magazine from the coffee table and pretending to flip through it.

Sheldon sighed, running his hand over his face.

"Penny…I have long given up on understanding your motives for your constant presence in our apartment, or why you feel it necessary to interrupt my work with your inane, irrelevant chatter. I'm in no mood to comprehend either, so please go."

Geeze…what the hell?

She turned to face him, more than a little put off by his brusque demeanor. She felt an angry retort rise to her lips, but she tamped it down. Her emotions were too close to the surface right now, and she was being oversensitive, considering what had happened that morning…and this was Sheldon. Pain In The Ass Extraordinaire. Just turn the other cheek, she chided herself.

"Aww…is someone a little crabby today?" she tossed over her shoulder. "What's the matter, did you forget to eat your high fiber cereal this morning?"

Whoops. So much for the cheek-turning. This was sure to inspire a minor hissy fit—

So she was startled when he turned sharply on his heel, his blues eyes snapping fire.

"Penny—there are far more important matters to contend with than breakfast food, fiber content, or satisfying your limited curiosity. I repeat, Leonard is not here. Now please go, I have work to do! When I tell him you stopped by, he'll run right over to return the favor, I can assure you. He's good at doing what he wants, no matter the consequences!"

She shot to her feet, her temper rising despite herself. She really shouldn't have come here…

"Well excuse me, Genius!" What was his beef with Leonard all of a sudden? "Did you ever stop to think that I might have come here to see you? That maybe I just wanted to talk to you?"

Before she could register what she'd said, or the stunned expression on his face, she collapsed back onto the couch, burying her face in her hands, finally succumbing to the need to cry.

Sheldon blinked, the former irritation falling from his features as he took in this new development. Everything seemed to be running in slow motion, and with half of his attention still on the board behind him, he hadn't really been conscious of what he'd been saying to her. Now hearing it repeat in his head, he thought that perhaps he'd been just a trifle harsh…

He looked at her again, her slender shoulders shaking with the force of her emotions, sobbing brokenly.

Had he…had he done this?

Before he could examine the situation further, or even begin to offer an apology, or a hot beverage, Penny bolted to her feet.

"You know what, never mind! It's not like you can understand what I feel like, or would even want to. I mean, all you care about are things you can't see or even prove exist! More dimensions, strings—like that's important!"

She was walking towards the door—

Sheldon started to follow her, instantly forgetting his earlier, albeit brief remorse at her outburst of emotion.

"These things, as you call them, are the answers to the most fundamental questions of the universe, the answer to everything—not just why we exist but more importantly how we exist, what it means to—"

Penny stopped abruptly and turned to face him, so suddenly he barely stopped his forward momentum, swaying on his heels a beat or two before regaining his footing. He then noticed how close they were standing to one another…

"I didn't get the part!"

Her eyes were green and gray combined. She was wearing a yellow Penny Blossom in her hair, just like the one in his pocket.

"Didn't what?" he asked, struggling to remember what they'd just been arguing about. He didn't often find himself in such close proximity to Penny, and it was a bit…disconcerting.

"I went to an audition this morning. That one I told you about," she answered, her voice thickening with each syllable as her emotions got the better of her. "Some stupid sitcom…just a bit part…and they trashed me. Tore me to pieces. It was the most humiliating thing I have ever experienced."

This close, he could smell the light scent she wore. He couldn't place it at first, because it was something different. Penny, for all her chaotic, unpredictable behavior, also had her routines, and one of them was her preference for vanilla scent…

But this was different…he took a short breath…definitely different. Cherry?

"Sheldon?"

He took a step back, the better to clear his head.

Penny scowled, then turned to grab a tissue, blowing her nose. "Forget it. I don't know why I thought I could talk to you about this. You don't understand anything about feelings…or having feelings…"

Sheldon crossed his hands behind his back, assuming his lecture pose, unaccountably stung by her words.

"So I take it you failed an audition, is that it? That's hardly anything new."

Her eyes snapped up to his, and while still red-rimmed and watery, there was a familiar steel there that he'd seen before. It was there every time they crossed swords, whenever they sparred, and he felt something similar respond inside him. It was oddly…stimulating.

"Oh yeah? What's going on here?" She gestured to his whiteboard beyond. "Stuck again? That's hardly anything new."

His eyes narrowed, and he found himself stepping forward to close to gap between them once again, the better to loom over her in a superior fashion.

"So…if I am stuck it's only briefly. That's because I dedicate myself wholly to my endeavor and minimize or eliminate distractions of any kind. Perhaps you could do the same—"

"Why do you do that, Sheldon?" she asked suddenly, cutting him off. "Explain it to me, because I really don't get it."

His eyebrows rose in surprise, and he titled his head to the side, thinking. She'd never asked this question before.

"Why do I do what?" Intriguing.

"Cut everyone, and everything, off. Don't you care, or want anything else in life?"

"The Nobel Prize, of course," he answered a moment later, as if it were as obvious as the nose on her upturned, lovely face, the cheery Penny Blossom in her hair. "I should think that much is obvious, since I mention it quite frequently. I wish to win, and I will win, the Nobel Prize."

She nodded her head as she looked at him, a smirk tilting her mouth. He didn't excel at reading facial expressions, but something told him that she wasn't quite, as they say in the vernacular, 'buying it.'

"Right. Like that answers the question. The Nobel Prize. A piece of paper—"

"Dear Lord, Penny! It's not a piece of paper it's a medal of hon-"

"Okay okay—a medal then. So what's the big deal? You get it and what happens?"

Sheldon blinked. He'd never thought of it quite like that before. He was momentarily stumped. But he had to answer so—

"I get another one?"

Penny's smirk deepend. "Not really an answer, Sheldon. Don't you want more-?"

Sheldon took a step back, somewhat uncomfortable with this line of questioning. How had it gotten here anyway?

"Well, what about your acting?" he interrupted. "Isn't it the same for you? Aren't you in this for a prize of some sort? An awar—"

She cut him off with a wave of her hand, suddenly impatient.

"Oh, of course that's part of it. But I do it because I love it, you understand? Because it makes me happy. Only right now I seem to be sucking at it. Sucking a lot, and I hate it." Her voice caught towards the end of that sentence, as her sadness took hold of her again. "And I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

"Maybe this isn't your true vocation, Penny. Have you ever thought of that?"

She looked up at him again, frowning at his choice of words. "No—I know I can do this, I know I have creative talent."

Sheldon nodded, crossing his arms across his chest. "Then maybe you should think about limiting your focus, that is, concentrate your energies on your craft alone. Minimize, or eliminate distractions. Seek perfection. Your pursuit of coitus, for example, that would be an ideal place to start—"

Penny snorted, stooping to gather her purse from the couch and preparing to leave, finally.

"Never mind. I can't talk to you about this. Coitus. You know, Sheldon, one of these days you're going to realize how much you're missing out. Some award isn't going to make you happy…"

He followed her to the door, again oddly unsettled by the tone of her voice, the implication that he could not, or would not understand her or her trivial problems. He realized she was leaving, and he started to chase her towards the door

"And maybe one day you'll realize that acting isn't your true talent, though how that will happen when you're—"

She slammed the door, cutting him off, and he glared after her, debating for a moment whether to go after her...

Heaving a sigh, he turned back to his whiteboard. A moment later, he felt something an awful lot like regret.

No. He shook his head. He didn't need, or want anything else in life. He had science; he had the single-minded pursuit of a goal. The Nobel Prize. He didn't need anything—or anyone—else.

~xX0Xx~

Chapter 1: The Call

Monday Night: May 9, 2011, about 5pm

She was halfway through Monday night dinner rush when Rick popped out of the back office and called after her. "Penny! Hey—gotta minute?"

There was something about his voice that raised the alarm, and she stumbled as she abruptly stopped on her way out of the kitchen, glasses rattling on her overloaded tray in her hurried shuffle out of the door.

"Yeah," she answered quickly, taking a moment to regain her balance, "let me just get this out and I'll be right over." He nodded, running a hand through his hair in a distracted manner, looking tense.

She tried not to think about it as she bumped her hip against the swinging door and made her way out to the dining room. "Coming out!" she called reflexively, lifting the tray aloft to clear her line of vision. There was a strange fluttery feeling in her stomach. She didn't know why but suddenly she was really worried. Something was really wrong…

"Okay…you had the Cuban and you had the Cheesesteak, right?" she rattled off with a perfunctory smile to the people at her table as she set the appetizers in front of them, "and a refill on that Coke," she finished with a cheery wink, again merely show for the sake of the tip, "anything else I can get you?"

It had been three days since her strange argument, or whatever that was, with Sheldon, just that past Saturday, and she'd kept her distance from the boys and their apartment since then, even skipping out on Leonard's impromptu going away party last night. He was going to some big deal physics conference up in Seattle and would be gone about two weeks.

"-kins?" the woman was saying. There was a long pause. Too long. Penny lifted her eyes and forced herself to pay attention to her table; she couldn't afford to lose a tip. "I'm sorry," she began, with what she hoped was a sympathy-inducing smile," I dropped out there was a sec. Just a little tired, workin' a double. What did you say wanted?"

The woman's face was carefully blank. Penny had a sinking feeling she wasn't going to get much of a tip out of these people.

The woman sighed.

Make that no tip at all.

"Napkins?" the woman answered with a touch of frost in her tone, "there aren't any on the table, and we would both like one, please."

Penny's smile was about to fall from her face and straight to the floor if she kept this up much longer—her face couldn't take the strain.

"Sure thing!" she answered brightly, backing away, "Coming right up!" She swept into the closed back dining room and grabbed two neatly rolled napkin sets from an empty table, then swung back around and dropped them off without a word. Screw the tip…

She hadn't been on her game since the failed audition and her argument with Sheldon. She just couldn't get it out of her head, what they'd said to her—

"indistinguishable face, round and ordinary"

"wide upper arms, too wide"

"bust is too small"

"needs to lose at least 10 pounds"

"uninspired delivery"

"no instinct for subtlety"

"needs acting classes…if she took them, should demand money back"

How could Sheldon understand what it was like, to be pulled apart like that, to have everything you're ever worked for savagely mocked and called into question?

As she left for the kitchen, that strange flutter in her stomach returned as she approached Rick's office. Who was calling her, and what for? Sheldon was alone now that Leonard was out of town for the next two weeks. Was it some kind of shredded chicken crisis or something?

She knocked on Rick's half-open door. "You wanted to see me?" she asked, pushing it all the way open and stepping inside. He looked up from his desk, his face tight, and gestured to the phone.

"Call for you." He nodded at the handset. "You better take it right away." He stood then, and walked to the door, stopping at the threshold. "I'll give you some privacy."

That formally nervous flutter in her stomach officially leveled up to a bona fide plummet. This was not good.

She picked up the phone. "Hello?" she said, just as Rick softly closed the door behind him, leaving her alone in his office.

"Yes…hello? Am I speaking to Penelope Owens?" The voice was cool, formal, and her sudden dread only increased—

"Yes, this is she," she answered quickly, trying to ignore the sudden rush of sound in her ears, the sound of her blood rushing through her veins, and the sting in her eyes from threatening tears. Oh my God…it's Mom! Something's happened to—

"Miss Owens, my name is Melody. I'm an ER nurse for Huntington Memorial Hospital. I'm calling on behalf of..." the voice continued, and then a sudden pause, the distant rustle of papers, and finally a name, "Sheldon Cooper."

Wait—Hospital?

"Sheldon?" she said automatically, now truly concerned, "what's this regarding?"

"I'm sorry, Miss Owens. I have some bad news..."

"What! Has something happened to Sheldon?" She suddenly couldn't stand. It was as if the floor disappeared from beneath her, leaving only a void. A great terrible hole of…nothing...threatening to pull her and everything else inside of it and leave nothing behind. It was like the end of the world. Like her heart, like all time, had stopped.

It's called a singularity whispered a distant portion of her mind in a playback of some long ago lecture once delivered from the left-most cushion of a soft leather couch. That's what it was called, she remembered. Something Sheldon taught her.

Oh my god…Sheldon…

"Yes. That's why I'm calling. I'm very sorry. This is never easy—"

"Oh no—" she chocked back a sob, her voice rising hysterically, "is he dead?"

Please god, no…

She couldn't breathe. Any moment now she was going to pass out. This just couldn't be happening—

"No—no—" the nurse continued quickly, "he's alive, but in critical condition." It took a moment for her words to sink in, and when they did, Penny felt like time started moving again. Her heart started beating again, and she pulled in a shaky breath—

Alive.

Thank god—

"Wh…what happened?"

"He was brought in the ER about 2 hours ago," the nurse continued, "with severe trauma to the cranial and thoracic regions…his head, shoulders and chest, in other words. We've got him stabilized and he's been moved to the ICU, but I must stress that his condition is very serious. We've been attempting to contact his family or relatives, but there's been no answ—"

"They're in Galveston," Penny interrupted. Lord—his Mother!

"Yes," the nurse replied, "While we're trying to reach them, I thought I would call you. I see from the paperwork here that you're Mr. Cooper's fiancée …I know you'd want to be here…"

"His what?"

There must have been something slightly telling in her sudden confusion, because then was a pause, a shuffling of paper.

"Fiancée. You are Mr. Cooper's fiancée…corr—?"

"Yes! Yes, I am, sorry,' she answered instinctively, desperate to repair the damage she'd done with her thoughtless response, though she was confused. Since when was she Sheldon's fiancée? And there was paperwork on this? However they came to think this, or however it came to be there, wasn't important right now. She realized right away that there was no way she'd get into the ICU unless she went along with it, and she wasn't going to set them straight just now. What was important now was going to see Sheldon. To make sure he was okay…

"I'm just…really upset. I can't think straight." Her voice broke with emotion, real emotion, even as she was thinking that it might be a good idea to choke up a little, the better to pass herself off as the fiancée…

But she didn't have to act, because her fear and concern were real. Something happened to Sheldon, and she couldn't bear the thought—

The tears that had been threatening to spill over finally broke free, and Penny hastily wiped them away. Her mind was racing with thoughts of the night ahead. She wanted to leave now and get to the hospital. She had to know that he was alright or if…if…no, she didn't want to think about it. She had to call Leonard and let him know right away. He'd want to know…

"Okay—"she said, pulling in a shaky breath. "You said he's in the ICU? Where would I go when I get there?"

She took a pen and paper from Rick's desk and jotted down the details.

"Got it. East Wing, First Floor, emergency parking to the Left of the entrance."

She hung up the phone and swept out of the office, her mind already far from work or anything else. She had to get to the hospital.

"Penny?" Rick was standing by the employee lockers, shifting from foot to foot. He looked on sympathetically as Penny reached for her purse and some Kleenex, wiping away her tears. "Everything alright?"

Penny spun the dial on her locker, popping it open to get her coat and purse.

"No…look, Rick…I need to leave. This is a…family emergency."

"No problem…just make sure you close out your tickets or transfer them, okay? And drive safe."

She couldn't believe it was going to be this easy, but then, that didn't mean she wouldn't potentially pay for it later in some way.

She found Rachel in the kitchen and begged her to take her table 12, the napkin table. She didn't care; she wasn't going to get a tip from them anyway. Even if she did, she didn't care at this point.

"Sure, no problem. I'm sorry, okay? Hope everybody's alright."

Penny shot a quick thanks over her shoulder and rushed out to door.

~xX0Xx~

Monday Night: Huntington Memorial Hospital, about 5:23pm

"Excuse me…I'm looking for Sheldon Cooper. Can you please tell me where he is?"

The ICU nurse (her tag read "Sue") looked up from her screen, flashing Penny a quick smile. "Hello…yes, I can…but I do have to ask, are you family?"

"Yes." Penny answered, "I'm his fiancée …"

The nurse pulled out a chart. Checked a notation.

"Name?"

"Penelope Owens."

The nurse nodded her head, as of expecting the answer. "Alright…let's see…Mr. Cooper is in room 37…just down this hall to the right…"

Now that she was here, could see that this was really happening, Penny was starting to cry again.

"Thank you" she said, reaching for a tissue. "Can you please tell me how he is?"

"Well, let's see…Dr. Brown is the attending…" she glanced at some notes, "and right now his vitals are stable…he's been in and out of it since he came in. He may not be awake…"

"Have you gotten a hold of his family?"

"Yes…all family has been notified." She glanced at the phone in Penny's hand. "And I know this is a bad time, but we do ask that you don't make any calls on your cell phone here—it interferes with the equipment. If you have to make a call please be sure to step out to the lobby…"

Penny blew her nose, nodded and tucked her iphone away into her purse.

"Sure…thanks…thank you…" she called to the nurse, already turning to head down the hall, scanning the doorways for the right number.

34…35…36…

37.

She stopped at the doorway, almost afraid to go in. She felt rooted to the spot, shaken to the core with a myriad of powerful emotions. Fear, shock, and…something else.

What that something else was, she didn't know, but it was something undeniable and all-consuming. The terrible fear that had gripped her from the moment she'd taken the phone call at work has refused to let go. For the past hour she'd been helpless to its influence, unable to think of anything but simply getting here and seeing that he was alright, that he was alive, with her own eyes. She had the terrible suspicion that if he wasn't going to be alright, then neither would she.

Penny pushed that thought away, refusing to examine it further. It was almost inconceivable that just four years ago she'd first met Sheldon Lee Cooper, or Leonard Hofstadter or Raj or Howard…because she felt like she'd known them forever…and now…now she couldn't imagine going back to a place or a time without them.

She took a quick breath and walked into the room, her eyes falling immediately to the long, thin man lying so still and stiff in the hospital bed. She gasped, her hand rising to cover her mouth, stifling a sob at the sight. There were tubes and wires everywhere. He was hooked up to two IV's, one with clear liquid and the other with something bright red, like plasma or blood. The medical monitor at his bedside was beeping steadily, slowly, displaying all his vitals. His head was extensively bandaged and she couldn't really his face underneath it all, though she could see that the flesh around his eyes were purpled and swollen, his inky black lashes in stark contrast to the color of his bruised skin.

And yet despite it all…

It looks just like he's sleeping… she thought, with a reluctant smirk at the picture he presented. If it were anyone else, lying there ramrod straight and mummy-like, it would be unnatural. But not Sheldon…not her...Wackadoodle.

She walked over and sat down in the armchair immediately beside the bed, reaching out for one long, pale hand, hesitating only a moment before taking it in hers, bringing it to her lips automatically. She realized that he wasn't likely to stir or protest her touch, not as he was now. And even if he did, she would gladly bear his ire. Because this…this lying there still as death, pale and silent and bruised…this was worse. What she wouldn't give to have her crazy, demanding Sheldon back…

A sob broke free as fresh tears fell from her eyes, blinding her. She brought his hand to her lips and kissed it again and again, holding it to her and wishing she could simply make it all better, make it all go away…

She sat forward and laid her head on his chest, listening for his heartbeat, praying and sobbing in equal measure. Please let him be okay…please…

There was a rustle of sheets and she felt him stir beneath her.

He felt like he was submerged under water. Dark water, for he could see nothing, hear nothing but the thud of his pulse in his ears, at the base of his skull. He struggled to break to the surface, but he was so tired, and maybe it would be better to stop trying, and let himself sink to the bottom, to drown.

But there was something up there, out there, beyond the heavy black that surrounded him. Another person. Crying?

He tried to concentrate, to isolate the sound. A woman. A crying woman…

She blinked back tears, raising her head, wary and hopeful. In the next moment, she felt a touch to her hair, the side of her face. She gasped as she looked up and saw that his right hand was buried in her hair, his fingers splayed against her scalp, interlaced with honey blonde strands.

"Sheldon?" she asked, her voice hoarse from crying, his face a blur through her tears. "Oh God…Sheldon?"

It took all his strength just to open his eyes, a herculean effort to focus on the face that was bent so close to his own. As his vision cleared her saw her by degrees, first her eyes: green and gray and gold, wet with tears. Then her mouth: a perfect, pink bow that shook with the force of her emotion. And then her face: classically beautiful, oval-shaped, framed with honey-colored hair, the soft strands wound over his fingers like silk ribbon…

She struggled to clear her vision, blinking rapidly, only to raise her eyes and meet the soft, liquid blue of his gaze. He was awake, and looking at her—

"Sheldon?" she repeated, barely daring to breathe—

Who was she, this beauty, crying for him?

"Hello," he replied, his voice only a whisper, broken from strain and exhaustion and injury, as it spun out in a slow drawl, the accent of his childhood.

She sat up slowly, confused by the expression on his face, something off in his eyes. He was awake, yes, and conscious, but something was wrong. It was his eyes—

they were less hard, less aloof and removed than they usually were. Instead of flat, neutral blue, they were slightly warmer, softer, a cornflower blue. He was looking right at her, but she could tell…he didn't recognize her.

His next words confirmed it.

"Who are you?"


	2. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sheldon's awake...

Monday Evening, May 9, 2011, about 7pm, Huntington Memorial Hospital, Visitor's Lounge

Later that Monday evening, after Sheldon had fallen asleep…lost consciousness, really, Penny finally had a chance to talk to Howard and Raj. They'd been waiting so long for some news, almost as soon as they arrived at the hospital, which was hours ago. She didn't know how to tell them about the memory loss, if that's what it truly was, because nothing was certain. He could wake up in a few hours and be himself again. There was no telling.

The boys were worried, full of questions.

"I really didn't get a chance to talk to the Doctor…I mean, she was in and out and it seemed like she was in a rush…" Penny explained.

"The bitch!" Howard snarled.

Penny found herself nodding, and then just as suddenly shaking her head. "No—I mean, she kinda was but at the same time they have a lot to do, you know…I think she's really concerned for Sheldon—"

"So, what did she say?" Howard cut in, waving off Raj's comment to his ear, half turning towards his shy friend in agitation, "how you can have trouble talking at a time like this…" he muttered, before turning back to Penny, "so, what did she say, then?"

Penny sighed, rubbing her hand across her forehead, because she was getting a headache from the strain, the lack of sleep.

"She said that he had severe trauma to the head, swelling around the temporal lobe, and that it really depends on whether or not he has any inter…God, how did she say it…intercranium? No, intra-cranial bleeding…and that right now it was a waiting game…waiting for the swelling to go down…"

"I can't believe this..." Howard muttered, raking a hand over his face and sighing. He was quiet a moment, and then started to blink rapidly, his face tightening as he fought off tears.

Tears.

Penny wouldn't have believed it if she hadn't seen it for herself, the sorrow and grief that shook them. There were all quiet a moment, getting a hold of their emotions.

"He woke up for a bit," she told them after that long silence, almost hesitant to offer this news, and seeing the shock, the hope in their eyes, hastily added, "but he went out of it right away. Back to sleep, or coma, or whatever it is…"

"But that's good, right?"

She looked over at Howard.

"I guess."

"You guess? What do you mean, I guess? That's good, right?"

"He didn't recognize me. He didn't know who I was." There. It was out.

The boys again fell silent, absorbing this news.

Raj, Penny noticed, seemed to be in shock. His usually warm complexion had a pale cast to it, and his dark eyes were troubled, deeply sad. She was truly dumbfounded by their reaction to all this—she knew they would be concerned, sure, but it wasn't like they'd ever shown any genuine affection for Sheldon, at least, not that she had ever seen. Maybe respect…maybe a little jealousy and maybe a general sort of friendliness, but not this…

"I told him to wait for me outside…" Raj said, his sudden vocalization breaking her into her thoughts, "go take a walk across the campus, because it was such a beautiful day."

Penny nodded, afraid to say a word, because maybe it would remind him of her presence, and make him go mute.

"I just wanted to stall him a little, because I was going to be late. You know how impatient and argumentative he is when he deviates from his schedule…"

Yeah. Did she ever…

"But I didn't want…this…to happen…" and now he was crying too, just like Howard, real tears, and he turned away as well.

She was afraid to ask what had happened, given how emotional they both were at the moment. She knew that they were friends, after all, but she would never have expected this reaction from either of them.

After Raj quietly blew his nose, she cleared her throat and took a shot.

"So…guys…" she began gently, as if they might spook if she spoke too loudly, or something. "What happened? Who did this to him?"

It was Howard that answered, of course, but Raj's dark eyes were just as eloquent, just as communicative as Howard's subdued tones.

"Well, as you know, Leonard asked Raj to drive Sheldon back and forth to work while he was gone—"

"Leonard," Penny broke in suddenly, since it just occurred to her, "wait—has anyone told Leonard about this?"

Raj and Howard exchanged a look. They were just as taken aback as she was. "Umm..no…" Howard answered, looking a little embarrassed. "I have to admit I didn't think of it until just now…and I thought…well…I kind of thought…" he trailed off, seeming to think better of what he was about to say.

"Thought what?" Penny asked.

Howard looked a little sheepish. "I guess I thought that you would call him."

Penny started to nod, thinking about it. "I guess that makes sense. I'll call right now."

Penny started to dig into her purse for her phone, but was stopped by Howard's hand on her arm. His touch was gentle, hesitant, but somehow reassuring as well. She looked up at him, surprised to find not a trace of his usual pervy attitude in his solemn features. In fact he looked like a normal, concerned person.

He was full of surprises today.

"Forget it. We'll call him. I know he just left and all, but I think once he finds out he'll come back home. He'll want to be here."

Raj was nodding his head, still teary-eyed. Poor Raj.

"I think you should get back to the ER, since we can't go in. And someone's gotta know what's going on before his Mom gets here…when is she coming in again?"

Penny found herself nodding, trying to ignore the strange little flutter she felt in her stomach at the thought of Mary Cooper's arrival. "Later tonight, about 1am or so. You're picking her up at the airport, right?" At Howard's answering nod, she breathed a sigh of relief. Once Mary Cooper got here, things would somehow get better. She didn't know why she felt that way, she just did. Mothers had of way of making things better no matter what.

She was glad for Sheldon…but why was she suddenly so nervous? She really liked Mary and they got along well. "Thanks guys... I'm still trying to process this. I think I'm in shock."

"Sure," Howard was saying, "none of us expected this—"

Another moment of silence.

"So…what happened, Howard? Who did this to him?" He'd never answered, after all.

He looked down at his shoes, gathering his thoughts, but it was Raj who answered.

"I told him to go for a walk, since I was working later than usual."

Penny said nothing, waiting for him to find the courage to speak further.

"All I know, I heard from the police report," Raj eventually continued. "Because by the time Howard and I found him, they were taking him away in the ambulance."

"They found him on the bike path, practically bleeding to death," Howard took over. "He was walking through the campus park, I guess, when these kids saw him. They must have known he was carrying some expensive stuff—his ipad, you know. His laptop. I guess they thought he was an easy mark."

"Yeah," Penny said, her throat tightening, "but they didn't have to beat him to death, did they?" She was starting to cry again. It just didn't make any sense. "Why did they do this to him?"

Howard squeezed her arm. "But they didn't kill him, Penny. Sheldon's alive, and that's all that matters now."

She took a tissue from her purse and blew her nose.

"Yes, for now..." she didn't want to think about what might happen over the next few days…

"Look," Howard broke in, "we gotta call Leonard. You go back to Sheldon. We'll keep in touch, throughout the night, okay?"

Penny nodded. "I wish you guys could come with me."

Howard shrugged. "Can't…we're not family…"

"Hey—wait a minute," Raj interjected, shocking them both by suddenly speaking again. If he was aware of it, he didn't seem to care, frowning at something that had just occurred to him. "Why are you allowed in to see him? I mean…I don't understand…"

There was a pause, and both boys turned to look at her then, curious.

Penny shrugged. "I was listed as an emergency contact on his medical papers, I guess…"

"Oh…as family?" Howard asked.

"No…his fiancée, or something."

"Oh…" Howard said again. And then: "Oh." And then he was frowning at Penny, looking at her strangely. "Why would he put something like that on his personnel file? I mean…unless he—I mean—"

"I was wondering about that too, but I guess he just wanted to make sure that I could come in to see him, make decisions for him, if they couldn't reach Leonard. You know how he is. A plan for everything and a plan for that plan…" she finished with a weak chuckle, her eyes watering slightly.

Howard's eyes never left her face, intrigued. If he didn't know any better, he could have sworn he saw the trace of a blush across her cheeks.

"Yeah…I guess…"

Penny bent slightly and hugged him then, pulling him toward her in a surprisingly strong grip. If he wasn't so weirded out by this whole fiancée thing, he might have taken a moment to appreciate the press of her ample bosom against his chest, rather than simply return the hug as any good friend is obligated to do.

(Okay, so he was enjoying the breast-press, so sue him.)

She let go of him after a beat and turned to Raj, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him too. Then she planted a kiss on his cheek.

(What, no kiss for ol' Howard?)

"Thanks guys. I'll get back to you as soon as I can, if anything happened. Just text me, okay?"

They watched her walk away, back into the ER and out of sight. They'd never seen her so distraught before.

"Fiancée, huh?" Howard muttered. "I guess it makes sense. He knows they don't let anybody but family in—"

Raj shook his head. "Not really, dude. He could have said she was his sister. It's not like siblings necessarily have the same last name nowadays."

"Huh." Was all Howard said.

~xX0Xx~

Early Tuesday Morning, May 10, 2011, 2:33am, The ICU Ward

Less than 24 hours later, or Tuesday morning, Mary Cooper was at Sheldon's side, giving the ICU staff a run for their money.

"Now you let me know as soon as Dr. Brown is available, you hear? I want to know exactly what's being done for Sheldon—absolutely everything."

"Yes Ma'am" the nurse replied.

"And I'm gonna need another blanket here. He's ice cold! And while you're at it, I'll need a pillow—these chairs are a mite uncomfortable."

"Yes Ma'am."

"Now look honey. I know you're busy and all but I want you to promise me—and I mean swear to Jesus that you'll tell me the minute that Dr. Brown's available. I want to know that everything that can be done is being done for…for my b-boy…oh Sheldon!"

The older woman suddenly staggered, as if the strength of her legs gave out, her voice breaking from the emotion she tried so valiantly to keep in check, and she sank to the chair beside his bed, grabbing a tissue to wipe at her streaming eyes. One moment she was a fast-talking whirlwind, doing this and that, and the next she was just another worried and heartbroken mother hovering at her son's bedside.

"Don't you worry, Mrs. Cooper. He's in good hands, I promise. We're doing everything we can for him. You and his lovely fiancée have nothing to worry ab—"

Mary paused mid-blow, eyebrows arching in surprise. "His what now?"

The nurse blushed, dropping her eyes from the older woman's forthright stare.

"Whoops. Guess they didn't tell you yet, huh? I hope I didn't spoil the surprise. Just pretend I didn't say anything."

Mary tucked the tissue in the sleeve of her dress, looking at the younger woman up and down with a shrewd, knowing gleam in her eyes. She didn't know it, but her son often looked at people, at anything that captured his curiosity, in much the same way. It was a canny type of survey, and there wasn't much she missed.

"Oh now don't you worry—I've known for a while now about Shelly's girl." She smiled at the nurse, disarming her, and then adopted a warm expression. "Sweet girl, too…so then you've met—"and she trailed off, pausing just the slightest bit.

"Penny…yeah. I like her too."

"Glad to hear it." Mary replied, keeping this little revelation to herself. She glanced over at her unconscious son, and couldn't help a little chuckle at his expense.

"It's a good thing you're out of it, Baby…'cause you'd have some explanin' to do."

"Ma'am?"

Mary turned back to the nurse, flashing a smile. "Nothin' honey. Thanks for all your help. Get me that extra blanket when you can."

'Yes Ma'am" the younger woman replied on her way out. She paused at the door, a strange expressing crossing her face as she struggled not to curtsey before leaving the older woman, shaking her head to clear the thought for her mind. She smiled at Mrs. Cooper again, and damn if her knees didn't bend just a little anyway.

Mary Cooper had that kind of effect on people.

~xX0Xx~

Tuesday, May 10, 2011, 6:30pm

Penny walked into the ICU after a few hours of troubled sleep. She hadn't wanted to go home, but late last night, Mrs. Cooper insisted.

"You've been here long enough, honey. He's doin' just fine, as far as that goes. You're entitled to a little bit of sleep, you know."

Penny had been too tired to argue, so after a quick hug and an even quicker kiss to Sheldon's forehead (which didn't go unnoticed by a certain pair of sharp, blue, motherly eyes) she left for home. Early that morning, she'd heard, Sheldon had woken up, said he was thirsty, and then promptly went back to sleep.

The good news was, he had improved enough that he was taken off the critical list. Now he was in a regular room, and things were looking up.

"It's a bona fide miracle, Penny." Mary had said late last night. "The Lord is healing him."

Penny had agreed, stunned by the sudden change. Maybe this was a miracle, because in 48 hours Sheldon had somehow stabilized. The doctors were cautiously optimistic, saying that the swelling in his brain was going down. The fact that he was waking up periodically, even if he didn't stay awake for long, was a good sign.

She hadn't been there when Mrs. Cooper had first arrived, around 2 am, because she'd stepped out for a bite to eat, a cup of coffee. She wanted to be there, with Sheldon, but it was hard to watch him lie so still and silent. Besides which, she felt like she would be intruding somehow, once Sheldon's mother arrived…it seemed like she didn't belong.

And then there was that whole fiancée thing…

How she would explain that, she had no idea. She'd come in some time later last night and found her there, seated at Sheldon's side, praying for her son's recovery. When she saw Penny, she came over to her immediately and enveloped her in a great big hug.

After that, there was a lot of conversation with the attending Doctor and the staff, and the first time the ICU nurse had referred to her as Sheldon's fiancée in front of Mary, Penny felt her heart stop for a moment, expecting a barrage of questions on that point, but Mary, curiously, said nothing about any of that, though she often glanced at Penny with a keen look in her eyes. Penny knew sooner or later she would have to explain, and she wasn't looking forward to that conversation.

Now she was back again, but when she'd stepped into Sheldon's room just a short time ago, she was surprised to find him alone, his mother nowhere to be seen. Penny shrugged. Maybe she was taking a break, getting something to eat, making a phone call, or something.

Whatever the reason, she welcomed the solitude, for however long it lasted. It wasn't that she disliked Mrs. Cooper in any way—in fact, she felt strangely comfortable with her. Last night they'd talked a lot. She learned more about Mary and Sheldon than she ever expected. Last night she and Mary had talked quite a lot. She learned that she and Mary had both grown up on a farm, mucked out stalls and scattered feed for chickens as children, and could sit a horse as natural as they could walk. What was really shocking was finding out that Sheldon could, too.

"Really?" she'd said, trying desperately to picture such a thing in her head, except it kept coming out wrong, because it just wasn't natural…not Sheldon and horses...not Sheldon and ANY animal…

"Oh yeah," Mary had replied, a fond smile bending her mouth. "Shelly hada Palomino mare that he just 'bout loved mor 'n anything on this earth. I think her name was Liberty Belle…an' not for anything patriotic, lemme tell you, but for some super girl in a comic book. Ticked him off no end when folks mistook her name like that."

Penny smiled. That sounded like Sheldon, all right.

Now, finding herself along with Sheldon, she sat down in the chair at his side, and reached for his hand. It was warm, and soft in hers, more soft than man's hand out to be. As she traced the long fingers with her own she could see the faintest trace of his country childhood in his hand, for underneath the bruises he'd developed from the attack, she could see a tiny scar across one knuckle. As she traced his fingers with her own, she could feel a slight callous bump on his index finger, most likely from holding farm tools; she had a matching rise on her right hand.

She brought that long, elegant hand to her lips. It was surprising how easy it was, how much of a habit it had become, to kiss his hand like this.

It was then that he stirred beneath her. She looked up at his face, expecting the usual, half-lidded eyes, a blank stare, and a return to sleep, or unconsciousness, or whatever it was.

Instead, his eyes were fully open, just as they had been before. They were bright, and clear, and focused on her face. He was awake—

She dropped his hand like it was a fiery brand, bracing herself for the tirade to come—

But there was nothing. Not a word. Her eyes widened as they continued to look at each other, as his full mouth lifted into a smile.

"Hello…" he said, his eyes tracing over her face with curiosity, almost…affectionately, and Penny found herself blushing under his gaze.

"Sheldon?" she tried tentatively, pulling back from his side, knowing that at any minute his aversion to touch would kick in, and he'd start to panic if she lingered too long near him, in his personal space.

But she gasped when one long, bruised hand reached out and buried itself in her unbound hair. His fingers slid beneath the strands to cradle the back of her head, and she closed her eyes at the shock, the sensation of it, at the warm bloom of feeling his touch evoked.

Only to open them again a moment later, her eyes widening in shock when his other hand gently touched the side of her face, his thumb tracing her cheekbone, her chin cupped in his palm.

"Sheldon…" Penny whispered, trembling at his touch. She was completely undone. Unaware of, and uncaring of anything, or anyone, around her. This was…like something out of a bizarre dream. As long as they'd known each other, Sheldon had never touched her for more than a brief moment, and usually only because he was annoyed and needed to make a point, or he wanted to push her away. This was not touching. This was…caressing.

She let out as shaky breath as his thumb slipped lower and traced her bottom lip, sweeping along its outline. His gaze fell there, and followed the route of his thumb, his heavy lashes veiling his eyes. She whimpered when he swept along the curve of her lip again in a gentle arch, heat following everywhere he touched.

He lifted his eyes to hers, searched there for something, and something likewise fell apart in her chest, because the emptiness, the gaze of a stranger, was there again.

He confirmed it with his next words.

"I'm sorry…I feel like I should know…but I can't recall...do I know you?"

That slow drawl, the long, rounded vowels of his childhood. The open, empty gaze. There wasn't a trace of Sheldon there, at least not the Sheldon she knew. He friend and neighbor.

Her crazy Wackadoodle.

.

.

Retrograde Amnesia, they were calling it. Most likely the result of severe trauma to the head, sustained during the attack that left him bleeding to death on the bike path just off the Caltech campus.

For a laptop, an iPad, and an iPhone.


	3. The Only Mystery Worth Knowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is your name?

Last Time: "I'm sorry…I feel like I should know…but I can't recall...do I know you?"

Wednesday Night, May 11, 2011, Room 1031, Recovery Ward, 5:32pm

Penny closed her eyes, really too tired, and too concerned for him, to face this right now. It wasn't helping that she couldn't think clearly when he was touching her like this. It occurred to her that she should try to stop it, or pull his hands away, but she didn't want to do either.

She opened her eyes and met his gaze, struggled to think past the warmth of his gentle touch.

"You don't remember me, do you?" she asked, raising her hand to hold his against her face, unaware that she was doing so, turning her face towards his palm and snuggling there.

His soft blue gaze continued to sweep over her face, studying her. "No," he admitted at last, "I…I guess I don't, but it's odd…because I feel like I should. There's something terribly…familiar about you…"

The last few words had tapered off to a near whisper, followed again by the soft trace of his thumb along her bottom lip. Without her conscious control she whimpered softly in response, her eyes closing on their own accord, so she missed his fascinated attention to her face, how his eyes darkened with an emotion he couldn't name, seeking an answer to a question without reference to any beginning or end, without a past or a future.

They were so focused on each other that neither was aware that Mary had returned, holding two cups of coffee in her hands. She'd stepped out a bit to stretch her legs and give Missy a call, and then she'd felt a craving for coffee. She thought Penny might like some, as well, so she'd stopped for some at the cafeteria. As she'd come down the hall she couldn't help but notice the strange silence, aside from the usual sounds of a hospital at rest, that seemed to blanket her surroundings. It was because of this that as she came closer to his room, she could hear the two of them speaking so clearly. She turned the corner and crossed the threshold, only to stop in surprise at the sight that greeted her.

She didn't know why, but something told her to keep her peace, to let the moment, or whatever it was, unfold between them. So she stepped back, moved herself from their line of vision and kept quiet, only slightly guilty at the thought of eavesdropping on the two of them.

But how else was a mother to know anything, if she didn't spy a little now and then?

So she held her breath and listened, curious what would happen next.

"I don't understand," Sheldon was saying, and she could hear the curiosity and slight frustration in his voice. Shelly loved puzzles, conundrums, as he called them, but he loved solving them more than studying them. She could hear it in his voice, he wanted answers to this latest puzzle more than he wanted the challenge of the puzzle itself.

"Because something tells me…" he continued, "that I am not a man of ...of feeling…but of fact."

Penny nodded then, opening her eyes to meet his questioning gaze, struggling to think beyond the intoxicating warmth of his touch.

"You're a scientist," she said, somehow finding the strength with those words to pull away from his caress, sit back in her chair. A scientist was a rational, deliberate person, some with detachment and objectivity. The real Sheldon, in other words, and not this gentle man touching her now. She drew away and settled back against the chair, and tried not to mourn the loss of his touch, which was confusing her, unsettling her. "A physicist."

His eyes lit up when she said that, and his mouth curved into a smile, a little lopsided smile that caused a dimple to crease the corner of his mouth, and looking at it, Penny felt her heartbeat flutter in her chest. Detached, she reminded herself. Aloof.

"A physicist?" She could hear the intrigue warming his voice. "Yes…that…that feels right." She could see how the emotional construction of that sentence bothered him, but he seemed content for the moment to let it go. It wasn't important at the moment.

"A theoretical physicist," Penny elaborated, uncertain why she should, but knowing for some reason that he would appreciate it, "and you study String Theory."

His eyebrows shot up at that, and his smiled deepened. It was a genuine, full smile now, unlike any of the slightly creepy, false smiles she'd seen him attempt, and the effect of a full smile on his face, twin dimples framing his full mouth, was devastating. She found she couldn't look away, wanted to she him smile again and again, wanted to lean over right this moment and kiss that full, smirking mouth and never stop—

"String Theory? Ah, yes. The theory that posits that the electrons and quarks within an atom are not 0-dimensional objects, but rather 1-dimensional oscillating lines, or strings. Furthermore, String Theory allows for the consistent combination of quantum field theory and general relativity, agrees with general insights in quantum gravity, such as the holographic principle and Black hole thermodynamics, and because it has passed many non-trivial checks of its internal consistency—"

He stopped suddenly, dumbfounded. Where had all of that come from? Penny was looking at him with a degree of shock on her face, and without thinking she reached for his hand, squeezing it in hers in her excitement.

"Sheldon…are you starting to remember?"

He blinked a few times, and it looked like he was on the verge of some kind of insight, and he found himself wanting to pursue this line of thought further, but he was suddenly distracted by the touch of her hand, the scent of…cherries…that tickled his nose as she bent forward. The fall of her golden hair over her eyes. He forgot all about space time and probable dimensions and oscillating strings. All he could see now was her, this woman, this stranger, by his side.

"I don't understand," he began again, swallowing, "how I can remember so much about this. That I could, if I wanted, describe the physical nature of the universe in numbers both simple and profound. I could map reality in math…but…but I don't know what I really most want to know…the only mystery worth knowing…"

Penny raised her head, trying to process the way she was feeling, a mixture of relief and some strange sort of…sadness at this turn of events. She didn't want to examine it any further, not sure what she was feeling right now.

"What's that?" she asked automatically, not really wanting an answer, distracted by her own feelings, the strange regret that washed over her at the thought of the old Sheldon, the real Sheldon, returning.

"Your name," he said, and it was almost a hushed, reverent whisper. "I want to know your name…"

Something broke open inside of her chest, something powerful and terrible and devastating, and she forced it away, terrified.

"Penelope," she answered, uncertain why, but compelled to give him the formal version of her name, wanting to hear him say it aloud. He didn't disappoint.

"Penelope," he repeated, and it was almost musical, the way he said it, like the notes of a song. "Penelope," he said again, as if testing it, sounding it out to spark some sort of memory or insight.

"Yeah," she answered, her throat suddenly dry. She felt kind of weak and shivery, a little like she had a fever. "That's my name. Though you usually just call me Penny." And then she couldn't help but ask. "Ring any bells?"

"Penelope-wife of Odysseus, who cleverly thwarted her suitors by daily unraveling her work at the loom—"

Penny laughed softly, smirking and dropping her head. She was nothing like a legendary Greek heroine. "Or just Penny," she repeated.

"Penny," he replied, trying it out, smiling as he said it. He took a breath, and she felt his hand, which she was surprised to see that she was still holding, tighten in hers. "Lovely…beautiful…Penelope."

She looked up in shock at his words, eyes widening. Had she heard that right?

Before she could say or do anything, however, she heard the unmistakable sound of approaching footsteps. Maybe it was Mary, returning, and she didn't know why, but she suddenly felt guilty for her current position—leaning so close to him, her face near his, his hand in both of hers. She jerked back and pushed her hair out of her eyes, looking up at the doorway to see Mary Cooper walking in holding two cups of coffee and her cell phone in her hands, her purse slung over her shoulder.

"Hello!" she called out cheerfully as she sailed in, gesturing towards Penny with her coffee-laden hands. "Just stepped out to get us some coffee—but halleluiah, looks who's awake!"

She was at his bedside in a moment, beaming down at Sheldon, her relief etched all over her face. She set the coffee down on the overbed table and started to scoot her butt into a seat, and glancing over her shoulder, noticed that Penny was sitting in the closest chair. She straightened, cleared her throat. Glancing at Penny over her shoulder, she said, "Uh…Honey…you're in my spot."

Penny did a double take, thinking for a moment that she'd heard wrong, and that Mary was just joking, but judging by the cold flash of her eyes, the stern expression on her face that reminded her instantly of Sheldon, she could tell the older woman was pretty serious. Looks like the Coopers didn't joke around about seating arrangements—

Blushing, Penny found herself rising automatically from the chair, scooting over to the one immediately beside it. "Sorry," she muttered, though this was so surreal, she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

"Thank you," Mary replied graciously, flashing Penny a strange sort of smile. "Appreciate it. But something tells me this won't be my place for long." And she punctuated the remark with a wink before sitting down in the chair.

Penny's blush increased, her face heating with embarrassment and something else. Something like excitement. She was so caught up in her feelings that she didn't notice the way Sheldon's eyes lingered on her face, how he studied every emotion that surfaced on her expressive features. His mother was holding his hands in hers, and bent forward to kiss his face.

"Thank the lord you're alright!" she cried, kissing him once more for good measure. "You just wait…before you know it you'll be as right as rain, right Shelly?"

"I'm sorry…I don't—"

Mary stiffened, her jaw tightening some at his hesitation. "Oh come on now, you know your Momma, don't you baby?" She drew back a bit, and Penny could see the hurt set of her shoulders, the worry in her face. She smiled at Sheldon, and shook her head, as if debating with herself about something. At his continued silence, his blank look, her shoulders fell, her lower lip trembled.

"You really don't remember me, Sheldon?" She stared into his searching, puzzled eyes, still not ready to believe. "I mean, your friends, your life here—that I think you might not remember—but me, your own mother?"

Sheldon looked upset. He could see how much he was hurting her, though it wasn't on purpose, of course. Penny wanted to say something in his defense, but she didn't know what to say, or it was her place to say anything at all. "I'm truly sorry." Sheldon said, squeezing her hand in turn, "I really don't remember…but if it makes any difference…I know that you're my mother, somehow…I feel it instinctively. An undeniable bond."

Mary started to cry quietly, and she bent forward to kiss her son again. "Well, I'm glad for that…the important thing is you're awake, and you'll be getting better and better. It'll all come back. You'll see…"

Penny was surprised to find herself wondering what would happen if it didn't come back…

~xX0Xx~

Later that same evening...about 11:12 pm, the Visitor's Lounge...

Penny stood in front of the vending machine, trying to decide on whether she would poison herself with fake coffee, sugar, and creamer or just go straight for the kill and get a Pepsi, or something. She was so tired that she was almost swaying on her feet, but she really didn't want to leave, at least, not just yet. She needed to convince Mary to come over to the boys' apartment and get some rest. Take a shower, change clothes. She'd been here for nearly two days, after all.

After Mary had arrived, she wouldn't leave Sheldon's side, and had spent the night at the hospital. Everyone here had been so great, so patient and accommodating, and had allowed Mary the chance to catch up on some sleep right here in the visitor's lounge. But when Penny eyed the narrow pleather sofa that must have served as Mary's bed that first night, she knew she would have to get this woman into a real bed sometime soon. Now that Sheldon had woken up, and that things were looking better...

Well...somewhat better, anyway.

"He doesn't remember anything..."

"Well...this is not the first time something like this has happened...to be honest..."

Penny turned with a start towards the sound, unaware of the fact that she had spoken her last thought aloud, that she had been overheard, or that Mary had been standing in the doorway, watching her for some time, lost in her own thought.

Mrs. Cooper took a step into the room, heading towards the big, overstuffed chair in the corner. She grabbed one of the thin, gray pillows for her back, and gestured to the seat opposite, inviting Penny to sit as well. "Sit down a bit, Honey, so we can talk. I need a break, and Lord knows you do, too. Come on now. Besides, I need to unburden my mind..."

Penny sat down beside her, wide awake now, and curious about the solemn, charged expression on Mary's face. She could tell the woman had something important to say, something that wasn't new, because there was the look of old memories about her face and in her eyes, her gaze turned inward, shadowed by the past.

Even so, Mary said nothing at first, simply wiggled around a bit in a vain effort to find a comfortable position in her chair, adjusting the pillow behind her back. Penny kept her peace, though curiosity was just about killing her. She knew from experience that when Mrs. Cooper was in story mode it was best not to press her, or to speak unless spoken to. And when you were spoken to, you had better preface any answer with a firm "No/Yes M'am."

That's just the way it rolled with Momma Cooper.

Mary sighed, settled back against the chair. When she raised her eye's to Penny's, their color was a softer, shadowed blue, tinged by sadness.

"Sheldon, I'm sure you agree...is special. Blessed. Always has been, always will be."

Penny nodded. Mary had her complete attention.

"His father...bless that poor bastard...just didn't know what to make of him," Mary continued, shaking her head. "Heck...even I didn't know what to make of him, and I'm his Momma..."

The only sound in the room was the gentle hum of the vending machine.

"He was an unusual child," Mary continued, "and extraordinarily sensitive. Lit up and blazed like hellfire when he was mad; as silent and as mute as Moses when he had had enough of the rest of the world, of other people. And sometimes...well, sometimes it seemed as if he were far away and in another world altogether. His Grampa, my Daddy, sometimes called him 'Poia'- a Blackfoot word for 'scar-face'."

Penny frowned, and despite herself, interrupted: "Scar-face?"

Mary waved her hand in dismissal, "Long story. To summarize: My Daddy was somethin' of an Indian Lover, or what we now call Native Americans, and he was fascinated with all manner of their folklore, magic and other such heathen superstitions..."

Penny merely nodded, unwilling to interrupt again, eager to hear more.

"And there was this particular legend-the story of a Star-Boy and his Momma, banished from the black heavens to live out their lives on earth. Some legends say he was burnt up a bit on the way in, like how a meteor gets all fiery when it falls through our atmosphere...so they called him Scar-Face..."

Again Penny nodded, fascinated.

"Because sometimes, when Sheldon was hurtin', hurtin' real bad, it seemed like he went away somewhere...somewhere in his head, and for a while he became someone else, someone with no memories or recollections. My Daddy said that Sheldon wasn't gone for good, he had just returned home, back home to walk among the stars...his only friends, his true friends..."

Mary paused, drew in a long breath. Her eyes darkened further, and the past crept closer, now shadowing her face, tightening the set of her jaw.

"My Daddy was a right fool, but sharp as a fox, too. 'Cause it was just his fancy, poetic way to describe what the doctors would later tell me was like a 'fugue state,' or a 'dissociation' as they called it, from a painful reality..."

Right about now, Penny felt the incredible need for a dictionary. It's not that she didn't understand Mary or anything. She'd heard the term "fugue state" before, but she didn't remember too many of the particulars, and she wanted to feel like she was on firmer ground through all this. She itched to take out her iPhone and look it up...

But it would have to wait. Right now, she was eager for Mary to continue...

When there was only silence, she glanced up at Mary, thinking that perhaps the older woman had fallen asleep, but she was just deep in thought, far away in her own private world as well.

"So..." Penny gently prodded, "you said this has happened before?"

Mary looked up at Penny, and her eyes seem to clear and come back to the present, back from wherever they had gone.

"Yes..." she answered. "Back when he was just a boy. This was before we moved to Galveston. He got into a scrape with these neighborhood boys. Bullies really. They'd been ridin' him something fierce for a while by that time. Sheldon was in middle school, though really, he should have been on a college campus chasing his stars and his strings..."

The older woman shifted in her chair, grimacing a bit at the pain in her back. Penny was loathe to stop her, for she was always eager to hear about Sheldon's childhood and early years, but right now it seemed as if Mary was ready to fall asleep, and the sooner she took her home for proper rest, the better.

"Mrs. Cooper...I don't mean any disrespect...but maybe we ought to stop talking for now and go home for a bit. You can't spend another night in the hospital."

Mary reached over and patted her on the arm, a warm smile bending her mouth. "Ain't you sweet? I appreciate that..." Mary sighed. "I am tired, you're right, and I need to lay me down on a proper bed...lemme just finish this up, say goodnight to Shelly, and then we'll leave, deal?"

Penny couldn't help but return her smile. She was liking Mrs. Cooper more and more as time went on. "Deal."

Mary nodded, and settled back into her chair. "So, as I was sayin'...he was having a hard time with these neighborhood boys..."

"Right..." Penny replied.

"And one afternoon, they ganged up on 'im...started chasing after 'im on the way home from school."

Now that Mary was getting tired, her accent was coming through a lot stronger. Sheldon sounded the same whenever he was tired, or stressed...

"His Daddy, my husband, that is," Mary continued, "tired like the devil to teach that boy how to fight back for himself. Wanted him to grow up and be a man, and fight with fists instead of his fancy. Wanted Sheldon to stand up to them boys and just tear into 'em..."

Mary paused, swallowing from a suddenly dry throat. "Mind if you get me a little water from the cooler, Honey?"

Penny shook herself from her stupor, and lurching to her feet, made her way over to the water cooler in the corner of the lounge. "Yes M'am." She swayed a little on her feet. She was definitely getting tired too, but she really wanted to hear the end of this story. She grabbed a little dixie cup and filled it with water, and turning on her heel, made her way back to Mary, and handed her the cup.

"Anyway...thank you, Baby...they chased him clear across town, right up the edge of Dirty Boy Diggens' property."

Dirty Boy Diggens? Uh oh. Knowing Sheldon's distaste for filth and uncleanliness, Penny knew this would not end well.

"They chased him into the barnyard, cornered him in the pig sty..." Mary was saying, as Penny took her seat again beside her.

"Then they trussed him up and pitched him into the slop trough...which would have been bad enough, if not for the fact that Diggins liked to recycle his feed, if you know what I mean. That trough was full of regular feed, see, but also offal, the leftovers from his slaughtered chickens and cattle."

"What?!" Penny chocked out, absolutely sickened by this development. This Diggins guy was feeding his animals the leftover parts of other animals? Good Lord...no wonder Sheldon had such a dislike for dirt, filth and uncleanliness...

Mary closed her eyes, fighting to school her features back in the calm, peaceful composition they usually maintained, but it was hard battle. Her jaw tightened so much at these recollections that it popped sharply in the stillness of the room.

"He was helpless to get himself out. He must of lain there for a couple of hours before Diggins found him. A few days later I had him in the emergency room, fightin' off infections from all the blood, dirt and shit that was in that trough, that got into his ears, his eyes..."

Penny was at a loss for words, absolutely horrified by what she'd just heard. She knew that Sheldon had gone through a hard time growing up...but she had no idea it had been this bad...

"Shortly after that, he started to go through these phases. He would just check out. Looked at me like he didn't know me. Started to forget who he was. That's why now, I think this is something similar. I think that Sheldon is hurt more than just a busted head. I know he got hurt real bad by these punks, but there's something else happenin' that we just don't know about...at least, not yet..."

Penny had no answer, no reply to what she'd just heard. She was still trying to process all of this. She had been hoping for a charming memory of his childhood, but this...this was just awful. Her heart was broken for Sheldon, thinking about what those boys had done to him so long ago...and now this...

"What do you think it is, this other hurt?" She finally asked.

"I don't know" Mary replied. "But we'll find out in time. You'll see."


	4. Prelude to a Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was always in the making, that kiss...

Sunday Night, May 15, 2011, 2:30am, The Boys' Apartment

She couldn't sleep—

So sometime around 2:30 in the morning, Penny threw back the covers of Leonard's bed, slipped on a pair of bootie socks and tiptoed out to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. She was careful not to make any noise, because she didn't want to wake Sheldon—he needed the sleep. It had been a long and tiring afternoon for everybody, but especially for him. He'd been so cheerful when he first got home, or so Mary said, and he'd been so…sweet and smiling during the welcome home party last night. But something changed after his mother left for the airport, or right around the time Leonard went back to Seattle. Then he'd been strangely moody and almost...sullen.

And the dizzy spells…well…she was going to take him to the hospital first thing if they continued, no matter how much he snapped at her.

She found the tin for raspberry. Opening it, she brought it to her nose and inhaled the sweet, earthy scent and smiled. It used to remind her of home, of her childhood, but now it just reminded her of Sheldon. Back when she and Leonard had first started seeing each other, she'd come into their kitchen one morning after spending the night to find Leonard and Sheldon making breakfast—oatmeal with fresh peaches and brown sugar. Sheldon offered to make her a cup of tea, and she had had her first cup of Earl Grey. As they ate and gently teased each other, she remembered telling Sheldon offhand that her favorite kind of tea was any raspberry herbal blend. She forgot all about it until about a week later, she'd come over for Halo night just as the boys got back from grocery store. As she helped them unpack and put things away, telling them all about her day, she'd dug into the bottom of a bag and discovered a tin of Octavia Black Tea with Raspberry. Not the cheap stuff, oh no. Premium black tea with sweet raspberry and a hint of chocolate. Gorgeous, silky, luxurious tea.

And every other week, whether she'd stay over or not, there would be a new one at the bottom of the bag.

She smiled now as she took a bag from the tin and took her favorite mug down from the shelf. She filled the kettle with water from the sink and lit the stove, her gentle, far away smile never quite leaving her face, and when the kettle started to rattle a little, when the first breathy whistle sounded in the quiet, she snatched it from the flame to stifle the noise and immediately poured herself a cup. It wasn't scalding hot, but hot enough as she carried it over to the armchair by the bay window, the one overlooking Los Robles. The window was open and she could hear the soft sweep of occasional traffic pass by, the buzz of the streetlamps. She sank into the chair and curled her legs beneath her, staring out into the night.

Why he'd been so moody, she didn't know. But then so was Leonard lately. She supposed it had all started on Friday, when Leonard had come home for the weekend…

.

.

Monday Night, May 9, 2011, 7:33 pm, Seattle University

Monday night, Leonard was just leaving the Stoker Auditorium at Seattle U when his phone buzzed in his pocket indicating he had a text message.

He ignored it as he continued to talk to Dr. Von Bruin about Angle-Resolved Ultraviolet Photoemission Spectroscopy, but it buzzed again in less than 10 minutes, and then less than 5 minutes after that. And then nearly every 2 or 3 minutes after that.

Excusing himself, he stepped away and walked a bit through the arborvitae garden nearby, scrolling through his messages quickly, irritated at this interruption to his day.

Call me. From Howard.

PLEASE call me as SOON as you get this. From Raj.

CALL ME

Again from Howard. And then:

SHEL IN HOSPT. CALL ME

Right after that, another from Raj:

SHELDDON HURT PLEAS CALL

He didn't read anymore after that, and quickly called Howard back, his heart racing, feeling like he was going to throw up any minute. His mind started racing ahead to all the horrible possibilities, dreading what was to come.

"It's about TIME," Howard snapped when he answered his phone on the first ring, the last syllable nearly breaking in half from the tension in his voice, the strain of what he was feeling. "Took you long enough! What the HELL, Leonard?"

"What's wrong?" he demanded. "What is it?"

A breath. A tight response. "It's Sheldon, Leonard. He's in the hospital…he's…he's really bad. Somebody attacked him on the bike path. Beat him up really ba—"

"Attacked him?"

"More like beat the shit out of him, Leonard. Left him for dead…"

"I can't believe this…"

"He's in the ER right now. I can't get in to see him. I don't know WHAT'S going on…"

"I…I just can't believe this…"

"Well believe it, Leonard. I've been trying to get a hold of you for the past hour. I'm freaking out here."

Leonard was pacing back and forth now, unaware that Bruin was waiting impatiently just outside of the garden, shifting from foot with foot with suppressed irritation, glancing at his watch from time to time.

"Where's Raj?"

"With me, of course. Freaking out."

"What about Penny? Does she know?"

There was the sound of muffled conversation going on in the background, the rustle of fabric, and a new voice in his ear.

"Leonard—I'm so glad you called!" It was Raj, and he sounded pretty frantic, all right, like he was near tears. "I don't know how I shall ever forgive myself! It's all my fault—I told him I would be a little late taking him home, and I told him to take a walk outside. I never thought—"

More rustling, a sharp denial, and then Howard back on the line:

"Look—everything's kind of crazy right now—we just…we just wanted to get a hold of you because…shit, we don't know what's gonna happen…"

What could happen. Lord…

"Did they get a hold of his mother?"

"Yeah…she's taking the next flight out. All we know is what we've heard from Penny."

Leonard frowned, suddenly confused. What had any of this to do with Penny? He was so consumed by these events that he was unaware that Dr. Von Bruin has ceased waiting and had merely left; he was no longer interested in what this distracted little man had to say.

"Penny?

"She's with him in the ER right now…"

"She's with him?"

"Hey, wait! She's calling back! Let me put you on hold and call you back!"

"Wait, Howard!"

He was met with silence.

.

.

He waited about 5 minutes. Howard didn't pick up. He waited another 10 minutes after that, still nothing. Eventually, he hung up. A couple of hours later, Howard had called him back. Filled him in on the details, the particulars of Sheldon's condition, and yeah, it was pretty bad. He'd then asked if Leonard was going to come home, and he answered that he wasn't sure. That he wanted to, but the earliest flight he could get was in two days, and besides that, the conference had just started…

There was a weird silence, as if he'd said something wrong.

"Come on, you have to admit this is bad timing…" he'd said. Howard hadn't answered that, instead he started to talk about the details of the attack, told him how worried he was, and had hung up about ten minutes later.

Leonard felt like an ass.

But it was bad timing. He had been invited to Seattle University for the annual conference on Fluid Dynamics and Thermodynamic Technologies, and he and an old friend from his undergrad days, Julie Higgins, would be presenting their findings from a joint research project just completed last year to an international board of scholars. It was a very important step for his career, and he couldn't just abandon it now. Still, from what he understood, Sheldon was in pretty bad shape.

Still, it wasn't until Friday that he'd booked a flight home, nearly five days after the attack. From texts, emails and short but intense phone calls home he'd been keeping tabs on Sheldon's condition, and learned that he was awake, that he was responding well to treatment, and that he didn't remember anything or anyone.

Friday, May 13, 2011, Huntington Memorial Hospital, Room 1031, 6:36pm

He saw it firsthand at the hospital. He'd been reluctant to go in, stopping at the threshold when he saw how many people were crammed into the little room. Sheldon sitting up in bed, a tall attractive blonde in a lab coat talking to Mrs. Cooper (probably the Doctor), Howard and Raj standing on the other side of the bed, XPS Alienware laptop out and resting on the overbed table, whispering to Sheldon about something called The Ping Of Doom (so they could trace his laptop) and something called SPOT (satellite positioning trace) for his iphone, and how with a push of a button they would pwn the sorry bastards that had attacked him—

He didn't see Penny, though he'd been told she'd been there nearly from the start.

He cleared his throat.

Mary looked up and saw him there, and she broke out into a smile. "Oh Leonard! You finally came home!" And she held her arms open for him (a gesture which frankly surprised him) and he walked awkwardly into her embrace. She patted him on the back and said she was glad he was there, and took a seat beside her son's bed.

"I was just talking to Dr. Brown, here, about Shelly's recovery. Why don't you boys say hi? Howard, Raj—give the boy some room!"

Leonard smiled, muttered his thanks, and turned to face Sheldon for the first time. He wasn't prepared for the clear, open gaze that met his own, the frank stare of a stranger, for there wasn't an iota of recognition in his eyes. He was struck at once by the electric quickness of that blue gaze. It's not like it was never there before, that vitality, because Sheldon Cooper was nothing if not freakishly intelligent, but there was something more than just his genius there, something like…like open challenge.

He cleared his throat, finding it suddenly dry. "Hey buddy" he said, edging closer to the bed, reaching out a hand to awkwardly pat him on the shoulder. He stopped himself just before making contact, not sure if he should touch Sheldon or not, if Sheldon still had some sort of instinctual aphephobia, so his hand fell loosely to his side, unsure. "How's it goin'?"

"Hello (pause) Leonard. I'm glad to see you."

"Are you?" he couldn't help but ask, intrigued despite himself. "You don't even know who I am…"

"My…best friend and roommate, or so I've been told," Sheldon answered, closely studying his face. Leonard was starting to feel uncomfortable under that steady, unyielding gaze. He felt like he was being examined and catalogued, and was somehow found wanting. He felt a sudden stab of guilt, followed by a quick flash of anger, and he wasn't sure why.

"Look—I'm sorry I didn't come right away. I was at a conference in Seattle. Fluid dynamics and thermodynamic technology…I might be going back, too…if…well…I don't know why I'm talking about this now…"

When he lifted his eyes, attempting again to meet that penetrating stare, he found he could not for long. After a beat he lowered his eyes, shuffling his foot against the railing of the bed.

"In any case, I'm glad you're getting better."

Another pause. He could still feel that sharp study upon him, and he was eager to move out from under it, but he was determined to hold his ground.

"Thank you," was the reply, at a long last, and a moment later, Leonard finally felt the weight of his gaze lift and focus elsewhere. He sensed that he other man had turned his head towards the door, and a strange sort of heat prickled at the back of Leonard's neck. An old and familiar awareness made his chest ache and his groin tighten, and it could only mean one thing to Leonard.

Penny…

"Sorry I'm late! It was so busy today I barely got out in time. Friday's are the worst!"

She was like a radiant, golden beam, gliding into the room on a cloud, Leonard thought. Her bright smile, the lilt of her voice. His beautiful blonde bombshell. His California Girl. His Penny.

But she sailed right past him, didn't even seem to notice him, and was instantly at Sheldon's bedside. "You're sitting up! I'm so glad!" Then she bent and gently kissed his cheek, grinning for all she was worth. "This is good, right?" she asked the Doctor, straightening up, turning her head, and then stopping short in surprise-

"Leonard!"

And before he could respond, she was reaching for him, and then her arms were around him, and she was hugging him. It took a moment for his sluggish brain to command his arms to lift and wrap themselves around her, it had all happened so fast. But soon, he was holding her, enveloped the pleasant cloud of her perfume. Vanil—no—Cherry.

He had closed his eyes the moment she had touched him, and he opened them now, just as she was pulling away. But he was reluctant to let go, his arms tightening around her. She stopped against the hold of his arm for a moment, frowning in confusion before she continued her movement backward, placing a hand at his chest and pushing away, but he had held steady to keep her within the circle of his arms. He inhaled the sweet scent of her and he exhaled softly, intoxicated. It was then that he felt the strange weight of another's gaze pulling at him, and glancing over her shoulder, gasped when he was met with Sheldon's flat hard stare. The words that followed were equally fierce, and just as cutting.

"Kindly take your hands off of my fiancée."

The was a stunned silence.

"Your what?"


	5. Then It Happened...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And she was drowning, from a simple kiss. An exquisite, electric, endless kiss.

Last Time:

"Kindly take your hands off of my fiancée."

The was a stunned silence.

"Your what?"

Chapter 5: A Kiss

Friday, May 13, 2011, Room 1031

No one said a word.

It was so quiet that for several moments, all Sheldon heard was the thud of his pulse under his ear, the plastic flex of his jaw as he tried to swallow, his throat dry, and tightened with an emotion that was uncomfortably close to fear, followed by a sharp chaser of anger.

Who was this…little…homunculus with his arms wrapped around her, the brave, compassionate beauty that was at his side almost from the moment he first opened his eyes, that moment he now thought of as his second birth, his raw beginning. From that moment he was no longer a man but a tabula rasa, an unformed and wholly new sentience. It was staggering, sublime, beyond comprehension, this sudden thrust into a strange and unknown world, nothing proven, nothing understood.

He hadn't known where he was, who he was, or what had brought him there, into that bare, white room. He only knew pain, a staggering and thorough pain that swept from his head to the base of feet, and every breath that he pulled felt like fire.

But he'd opened his eyes and she was there, crying over him. When their eyes locked a kaleidoscope of emotions flashed across the surface of her wide green eyes: incredulity, sorrow, relief, joy…

And a stranger, though not quite. For the shape, the design of her face was carved into his memory (eidetic, he'd soon realized) in a moment, new and clean and indelible and undeniable. He found he never wanted to look away, was loathe to close his eyes and shut her out from his sight, even if he could recall every bit of her geometry at will. He wanted the fresh, continuous impress to his eyes, no longer organs of perception alone but impatient and covetous creatures grown drunk on the curve of her mouth, the slope of her nose, the fall of her hair. She was his Alpha Centauri, and he was blind beneath her magnitude.

He forced breath in his lungs, and words past his lips.

"My fiancée," he repeated, and for emphasis nodded at Penny, though he was unhappy with such a feeble, crude gesture as accompaniment. It was followed by a frown, a severe downturn of his mouth, the terrible taste of envy on his tongue. He could not…that is, he did not…like this man very much, and he did not know why, only that it was so.

Leonard looked from Sheldon to Penny in confusion, his brows bent in a sharp curve above his glasses. He tried, and failed to hold her eyes with his and find the answers there. She was still held in the circle of his arms but she was bent away from him, a deep blush of pink colored her cheeks, her slender neck.

"Penny…" Leonard pleaded, a band tightening somewhere in his chest. "What is he talking about?"

Before she could answer, even attempt to answer, Dr. Brown cleared her throat.

The sound startled everyone, seemed to shake them all of their paralysis. Mary was first to move; she arose from her chair, her lips tight with displeasure, and stood at Sheldon's bedside. Howard and Raj backed away closer to the wall, eyes downcast, unwilling to speak or act. As for Penny, she finally managed to pull away from him entirely, taking a step back from his embrace and closer to Dr. Brown, who was the first to speak.

"Excuse me." said Dr. Brown, "I sense that a very uncomfortable conversation is about to happen, and I don't think I should be here…"

She reached out to Sheldon. He felt the warm grip of her hand on his shoulder just before she gave it a gentle squeeze. Dr. Brown smiled warmly at him, and then let him go. "I should go…but I wanted to say, Mr. Cooper, that I am very pleased with your progress. If this continues, you might be able to go home as soon as Sunday…" at his sudden start and tentative smile she hastened to add, "but we'll see. Now, if you'll excuse me."

Dr. Brown nodded and smiled at Mary, "we'll talk again very soon," and then to Penny. "You're in good hands." She was still smiling when she glanced over at Raj and Howard, though it fell away when her eyes swept over Leonard, and it was replaced with a cool study.

"Dr. Hofstadter," Dr. Brown said with a slight incline of the head, and then she turned and left the room.

Sheldon decided that he rather liked her, after all.

A few more heartbeats of silence. It seemed like everyone waited until the sound of her footfalls faded to a distant beat before they could begin.

Leonard felt his face coloring. He was passing quickly from baffled to seriously concerned, and the look of death coming from the mantis-like man on the bed wasn't helping one bit.

"Well? You wanna catch me up?" he said then, crossing his arms defensively across his chest, a posture he often adopted when he was angry, though he was never aware of doing so. He fidgeted a moment and then seizing the advantage, demanded, "where did you get such an idea, anyway? I mean…fiancée…what a ridiculous…when we all know that Penny is my—"

"They told me—" Sheldon interrupted.

Leonard frown deepened. "They? Who's they?"

"They. The staff. Everyone." Now Sheldon was looking at each face in turn. To his mother, to Howard, to Raj, and lastly to Penny. It was when his eyes found her that his ire seemed to falter a little, the hard confidence of his gaze softening as a flash of doubt clouded his eyes.

"Penny?" he called to her—

Sheldon's voice seemed to break her from her stupor, and raising her eyes to Leonard she scowled, clearly angry.

"Now is not the time to be talking about this, Leonard,' she snapped. "So not the time."

"It's just a simple question!"

"And I am not something you own, Leonard!"

"That wasn't what I was trying to say!"

Sheldon was looking at each in turn, following their exchange with a confused, fascinated attention. There was a strange, unnamed dread beginning to creep into his awareness, and he didn't like it. He felt like he couldn't breathe, his vision narrowing to one point, the pressed seal of her mouth.

"You …are my fiancée, are you not?" He couldn't help but ask. Continued silence. "Are you not?" he demanded, uncertain as to why he now desperately needed to know the answer to this question. He would—he must know.

At this point, Mary stood, and quickly placed herself between Penny and Leonard.

"That's enough, the two of you. Stop it now." She turned to Sheldon, and nodded her head in his direction. "And don't you get smart, either." She then turned to face Leonard once more. "It's just as he said. Everybody here was calling her that from the start…surprised me too, but I let it go for a while…I didn't see the harm. He doesn't know any better right now anyway. Now we could have talked about this another time, but if we're gonna settle it, then I'll tell you now that I found out that they got the idea from his employee record at the University…from CalTech."

Leonard was still frowning, though in an instant he knew the cause. "You mean his personnel records?" He could have kicked himself.

Of course.

It made perfect sense. Sheldon was and could be supremely paranoid about disasters or accidents. He always had something prepared for these occasions, never one to leave a stone unturned, and though it didn't seem likely that he would name Penny as a medical proxy, it wasn't totally impossible. And it made sense to solidify that position with the added (patently bogus) claim that she was his fiancée…

He sighed in relief, deflating in an instant.

"Of course," he said aloud, smiling almost indulgently at Sheldon, "it would be just like you to name her as a medical proxy in your records…" and he faltered a little at Mary's hurt expression, and thought for a moment that he would not go on, but looking at Sheldon's mutinous face, he felt compelled to continue. "You would trust her to look out for you…but why her and not…well your mother or even….me, well…I don't really know…" He searched Sheldon's eyes for an answer, as if it were somehow written there, and found none.

.

.

Friday, May 13, 2011, about 8:24pm

After that, things hadn't really improved, and after about an hour of pained conversation, Leonard claimed fatigue and left for home. He said he wanted to unpack his things and take a nap, that he would be back to visit tomorrow as soon as he could. He was quick to let everyone know that he wasn't home for good, at least not for sure. He said he could catch a flight back to Seattle Sunday night and be back in time for the conference to resume Monday morning. He was just in the way, he said, and the important thing was Sheldon getting better.

Penny half-believed him, and despite wishing that he had been there when all of this had first happened, she was had to admit that was glad to see him go. He gave her a quick, tight hug just before he left, whispering in her ear that he was sorry he hadn't come right away to help her through all of this, and she'd pushed him away. "I can handle myself, Leonard…and Sheldon too."

He hadn't said anything, but he cast one last, lingering glance her way as he left the room.

Penny sighed, aware Sheldon's questioning gaze as it followed her about the room, and for the first time in nearly a week she failed to meet it head on, sliding away from it each time he sought her out. She just wasn't ready to deal with this.

After a week of spontaneous, addictive affection…the sheer intoxication of being able to touch him without restraint, without permission, without a boring, exhaustive lecture, was too much to resist. She colored with embarrassment when she thought of how she'd been kissing him…well, just his hands and face…holding his hands, running her fingers though his hair (so soft, and so thick), hugging him as he lay prone on his bed, her head cradled in his hands, lying across his chest…

Oh God.

She whipped up a quick get-away excuse shortly after that and grabbed her purse, ready to go home for a long bath and some much needed sleep.

"Penny…honey…can I talk to you a second?" Mary asked, catching her by the arm just as she was about to leave.

"I…um…" Penny began as she tried to formulate some excuse, but she couldn't think of anything to say, not anything convincing, at any rate. Besides, judging by the hard expression of her face, Momma Cooper wasn't used to being denied when she wanted something, so she caved. "Sure…what is it?"

Mary looked back at Sheldon and then gently nudged her forward, towards the door. She bent closer to Penny and whispered, "let's go talk outside, okay?"

Her stomach did a funny little flop, though she wasn't sure why.

"Okay…"

They walked across the threshold and took a turn down the hallway, not stopping until they were about three doors down from the room. Mary was quiet a moment, regarding her, and then she reached out and took Penny's hands in her own. Though she was startled by the spontaneous gesture, she held still, waiting for what Mary wanted to say. Because it was obviously something important.

"I just wanted to thank you…for everything you've done for Sheldon since this happened…I just can't thank you enough…" and there was a flash of tears in the corner of her eyes.

Penny felt her heart break just a little, and she squeezed Mary's hands in hers, deeply touched.

"You're welcome. I'm so glad I could be here…he's my good friend…and I'm sure if not me then Leo—"

No. She really couldn't finish that sentence. She was no longer sure than Leonard would be there for Sheldon if he really needed him.

"I thank the Lord he has you," Mary interrupted, "because now I see firsthand just how much that boy cares about you. Like you hung the moon—"

Oh boy. This was starting to get uncomfortable. "Mrs. Cooper—"

"Mary, please." she said, smiling wide, looking very pleased about something.

Uh oh.

"Mary," Penny repeated, and started again. Time to nip this in the bud. "We're just good friends…" and when the other woman just continued to smile at her, unconvinced, Penny started to panic a little. "Really…we're just goo—"

Mary reached up and took hold of her chin, squeezing it playfully between her fingers, effectively silencing her.

"Hush now…don't you worry about all that. I see the writing on the wall. My boy just about adores you." Penny started to protest, and she was hushed again. "No need to be shy. At least now I know I'm leaving him in good hands…"

It took Penny a moment to register what she was saying, and then she did a double take, did she just hear that right? "Wait-what do you mean, leaving?"

Mary patted her on the arm. "We haven't had much time to talk…but I can't stay for much longer. I'm still working, you know. I gotta get back and make some kind of permanent arrangement if I gonna see Sheldon through this. Especially when he comes home for good…"

Penny shook her head, surprised to hear this, and ignoring that last part, when an icy stab of panic shot through her at the thought of Sheldon leaving Pasadena. He…couldn't just leave…

And she hadn't known that Sheldon's mom was still working. Then she thought of her own job, how hard it was to get time off—

"No, I didn't know that. How were able to get here so fast?"

"Well, thank the Lord I work for a compassionate man that came through for me in my time of need. I was able to leave right away. But, part time or not, I can't afford to test his patience too much longer, family emergency or not…I have to get back and make some kind of arrangement. Either that or quit altogether, and I can't afford that…"

No. Penny was all too aware of that, the vital necessity of paying your bills.

"No…I understand…so when will you be leaving?"

Mary shook her head, bit at the bottom of her lip. "I don't know, I haven't had much time to look into it, but that Howard boy helped me on the computer, and it looks like I can get a flight home on Sunday night." She looked up at Penny. "I was sorta hoping you'd be able to take me then. If I can book it, could you drive me?"

Penny squeezed her hand affectionately. "I'd be happy to," she said, smiling, "just let me know when." And then, after a moment—

"Uh…does Sheldon know about this?"

Mary took hold of her arm and tugged her forward, and the women slowly made their way back to Sheldon's room. "Yes, we've already talked about it…and I think…if he's well enough to go home on Sunday, then it would be good for everybody. We can have a little supper, a party to welcome him home, and then y'all can take me to the airport."

Penny was warming to the idea. "That sounds great—what do you wanna do?"

Mary stopped just her before the threshold, patting her arm absently as she thought about it some. "Well, I know he don't remember anything, but I was thinkin' of makin' his favorite fried chicken, with biscuits and gravy—"

Penny was already starting to drool. Sounded so good. "But since some of you folks have all these things you can't eat, I was thinkin' we can make it like a potluck, everybody bring a little somethin'"

"Sounds perfect! I'm not much of a cook, though…I don't know what to bring…I mean…I have no idea. What…what does Sheldon like?"

Mary beamed widely. The girl had no idea how much that question pleased her. "Well, he always did like macaroni and cheese—"

Mac-n-cheese? Penny snorted. So high class, Mr. Cooper. Top of the Line.

"I can make that, not problem!"

"Then it's settled. Now let me se of that Howard boy can help me book a flight home…"

.

.

She'd left after that, only popping her head in the room to offer everyone a hasty goodbye before leaving, still embarrassed about that whole fiancée thing earlier. She chastised herself the entire ride home. She hadn't said anything because at first it was necessary, for access, for information. But once he was in the clear she should have said something to him about it. But she couldn't. She had…liked it too much.

And she knew why. She had maintained the lie simply to touch him. Something she'd wanted to do, if she were honest with herself, for a very long time. Perhaps as long ago as the first time she'd met them, her geniuses across the hall. Wanted to since the first time she saw that tall, gorgeous, blue-eyed man smiling shyly at her as he stood beside his whiteboard, all those numbers and squiggles and beautiful ciphers beside him.

.

.

Penny spent much of weekend working, trying to make up for some the hours she lost that week going back and forth to the hospital, helping Mary settle into the guys' apartment during her stay, making sure she was comfortable.

On Saturday night, it was announced that Sheldon could go home the next day, and Mary immediately started to prepare for the welcome home party.

When she'd told everyone that she would be returning home Sunday night, Leonard had added that he would also be leaving then, though at a later time, to catch a flight back to Seattle for the rest of the conference.

Nobody said much after that.

Later, after the Welcome Home party, they'd said their goodbyes. Warm and affectionate (and slightly embarrassing) with Mary, long, awkward and disappointing with Leonard. Penny waved after his cab as it drove away, more happy than she was willing to admit that he would be gone another week. Another week to give her time to think, to process all that had happened…to adjust to this new reality.

She promised Mary that she would check on Sheldon before going to bed, so she'd stopped by the apartment after Leonard left, surprised to find Sheldon awake. He'd been standing by the open window, hands curled into white-knuckled fist, his jaw set hard and his tall form rigid.

He seemed strangely moody, and had snapped at her when she'd run over to help him after he'd stumbled on the way back to his bedroom. With his arms around her, loosely holding onto her for support, he'd suddenly asked her to stay. And so she had…

Monday Morning, May 16, 2:33 am

But sleep in Leonard's bed was elusive, made all the more so by the slight remnant of his scent that somehow lingered on the sheets, on the very walls, it seemed. She couldn't sleep when she was surrounded by the constant physical reminder of their past relationship. The sex and the awkward afterglow. It didn't help that they had fought so recently. That painful discussion they'd had while waiting for the cab—

Give me another chance, Penny—

He'd said earlier, and she'd tried to explain. She wasn't willing to be more than friends right now—she wanted things to stay the way they were…

And now here she sat, curled up in the armchair by the big bay window, trying to console herself with tea and the late night breeze, trying to ignore the persistent thoughts of the man sleeping in the bedroom just beyond.

Thoughts of his eyes, looking at her the heated way they did just that afternoon, following her across the room.

His arms, wrapped around her. His hands, curving around her waist…

Now, the creak of a floorboard startled her from her thoughts, and she looked up towards the hallway, and Sheldon was standing there.

He was awake.

He seemed to hesitate where he stood, glancing back to the door of Leonard's bedroom with his head titled sideways, listening for something. Listening for her.

As the silence stretched, small sounds were magnified. The tick of the kitchen clock. The gentle hum of the refrigerator. She could have called out. Could have broken the strange spell the darkness and the quiet had put upon her, but she could not. She just wanted to watch him, steal the moment and have her fill, because she hadn't had the chance all weekend. Hadn't been truly alone with him for so long…

When nothing stirred he started moving again, her eyes tracking his every move.

Her breath left her as she watched him, unaware that he was being observed. In the soft glow of the street lights he was a tall, shadowed figure, lean and lithe, clad only in his pajama bottoms and his robe. She gasped when he stepped down from the hallway and she saw that the robe was open and untied, hanging loosely on either side of him, his chest bare.

He walked slowly, carefully towards the kitchen, placing each foot with care. Perhaps he was trying to be quiet so as not to wake her, or perhaps he was only trying to walk as carefully as he could so he wouldn't fall. Those dizzy spells…

Her concern overrode her own private need to look at him, and she gathered breath to call out to him, to let him know that she was there, that she was awake, but it was trapped somewhere beneath her ribs, and her mouth would not obey her command. She could not speak—

Because he stopped at the refrigerator, opening the door, and a bright wedge of light slanted across his lean torso as he leaned over the side, rooting for something on a back shelf.

Oh…wow…

He was pale, vampire pale, but his shoulders were wide, and they tapered down to a narrow, lean waist and flat stomach. There was the faintest shadow of muscle punctuating that flat stomach, and her eyes traced over their edges before sliding lower to his hips, his groin, and she felt her mouth go dry. His pajama bottoms hung slack on his hips, also untied, and she could see the barest push of a hip bone against the fabric.

From there her eyes swept down the long, long stretch of his legs, then back up to his chest, lightly dusted with hair, and stopped at his flat, pink nipples.

She released a shaky breath as he pulled a bottle of water from the fridge, and cracking the top open with a tight, quick turn of the wrist (and somehow the sharp, decisive movement was so, so hot in itself) he threw his head back and put it to his mouth and took long, deep draws, his adam's apple bobbing with the force of it, and she watched it bend in his slender neck, entranced. He was obviously very thirsty…

A single rivulet of water escaped from the mouth of the bottle only to fall with speed over his chin, down the side of his neck, straight down the length of his chest.

Her empty cup fell from her hands, forgotten, and it crashed to the floor, breaking in two. They both started from the sound, and his head jerked in her direction, his body coiled and tense—

"Who's there?" he demanded, his voice hoarse from sleep and lack of use. A low, scratchy drawl straight from East Texas.

"Sheldon it's me," Penny answered, rising from her seat, squatting down quickly to pick up the pieces of her (former) favorite mug, holding them in her open palm. "Just me—sorry I scared you. I couldn't sleep, so I came out to make some tea—"

She stood up, broken fragments in her hands, grinning sheepishly. "I hope I didn't wake you up…"

She looked up at him and started to walk over to the kitchen when something stopped her, and she paused, caught for a moment under the steady pull of his gaze. There was something about the way he was looking at her that wasn't…normal. Wasn't anything like him. It wasn't…Sheldony…but something dark, and patient, and…vaguely predatory. She felt herself shiver in response, so dumbfounded that for a moment she was simply paralyzed, unable to move, as if pinned beneath his stare.

And then she noticed the way that those eyes were moving over her, dropping from her eyes to sweep over her chest, down her legs, and back up again. And then Penny knew.

Oh God…he was…he was checking her out…

It was so absurd, so unnatural for him (at least until now) that it had thrown her off guard, and she'd been confused, unable to recognize the most fundamental exchange between a man and woman, one she had experienced countless times over since she'd first hit adolescence.

Sheldon Cooper…Sheldon…was checking her out.

Her face flamed as she was suddenly aware of what she was wearing. Bikini panties, a tank top, and bootie socks…

She resisted the urge to cross her arms over her breasts, determined to remain bold under his, now that she'd identified it, appreciative gaze. She tried not to fidget, suddenly nervous, her heart pounding in her ears, a pleasant ache fluttering in her stomach and slowly building between her thighs as he looked her over again. She could do this. She was a big 'ole five.

She'd worn these kinds of clothes around him before, sometimes far less, but she'd never felt so exposed, almost naked to his glance. Because Sheldon had never looked at her this way…

She trembled as he took his sweet time looking her over, seeming to map every curve of her body. When his eyes found hers again, one corner of his mouth tilted upwards in a smug, satisfied smirk.

Oh God…

She could not breathe, could not draw a breath to save her life as he suddenly started to move, walking towards her. It was there in his walk as well, a masculine awareness, all tight movements and steady purpose.

In three strides he was standing before her, mouth still curved in a smug arch, a half-dimple creasing his cheek. When she made no move he kept walking forward, coming closer until she had no choice but to step back, only to be abruptly stopped by the pillar, her back smacking against it with a faint thump as it suddenly stopped her progress.

He stopped just before her, very close, his bare chest leaning against her raised arms, still cradling the broken cup. He reached up, raising an arm and leaning against the pillar above her head, bending forward.

This could not be happening.

He stopped when his face, his lips, were just above hers, and he was looking into her eyes. He was pressed so close that her arms were tight against his chest, the broken mug between them. She tried to keep her grip loose to avoid a cut, but it was hard to concentrate when he was leaning over her like this, and she was staring into his deep cornflower eyes…

"Couldn't sleep, huh?" he drawled, his voice all Texas and manly, tickling her ear, the low timber of his voice tripping down her spine and making her shiver some more.

Pressed so close to him, with his skin smelling like soap and sleep and wonderfully male she couldn't seem to form words, and she felt a lot like Raj, unable to speak in the presence of a (suddenly and insanely) hot man. She opened her mouth, gave it a valiant try, and nothing came out but a shaky exhalation of air.

She swallowed, tried again.

"No," was all she could manage, kicking herself for her sudden lack of wit, or command over more than one syllable.

"I…I couldn't sleep…"she tried again. There, a full sentence.

Only to swallow the last part completely when he bent closer to her, his nose falling to rest in the hollow of her neck. He drew in a breath, inhaling her scent, then blew it out again near the base of her neck, beneath her ear, and she moaned, her eyes closing of their own accord.

She felt the tip of his nose brush her shoulder, his warm breath on her bare skin, and she was trembling as he explored the rounded curve, his cheek landing against hers. She gasped at the sharp, prickly feel of stubble against her cheek, her neck, her shoulder. She shivered as he gently moved his cheek against hers, and he paused, seemed to consider something, before he dragged the scratchy edge of his cheek just under her ear, the sharp rasp of his stubble marking her skin.

"Sheldon…" it was torn from her involuntarily, and she was breathing heavily, eyes closing, holding her breath as his mouth descended to her shoulder and landed there, a soft kiss following.

Another pause, and then the gentle lap of his tongue against her neck, soothing the burn he put there…

She moaned, loudly, dropping the pieces of her broken mug all over again, curling her arms around his neck and drawing him close, burying her hands in his hair. She couldn't take it anymore, and dragged his mouth down to hers.

It slanted across hers as if it were always meant to, locking into hers in a perfect fit, and though he was awkward, a little blunt in his movements, his lack of experience telling, he learned quickly from her lead, his tongue sliding into her mouth to twine with hers, the edge of his teeth scraping over her bottom lip, mimicking her every move perfectly.

And she was drowning, from a simple kiss. An exquisite, electric, endless kiss.


	6. Tabula Rasa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny quickly lost all sense of time, of place, kissing him. Her existence narrowed to just the two of them and the hot, addictive slide of his mouth against hers.

Last Time:

It slanted across hers as if it were always meant to, locking into hers in a perfect fit, and though he was awkward, a little blunt in his movements, his lack of experience telling, he learned quickly from her lead, his tongue sliding into her mouth to twine with hers, the edge of his teeth scraping over her bottom lip, mimicking her every move perfectly.

And she was drowning, from a simple kiss. An exquisite, electric, endless kiss…

 

Monday Morning, May 16, 2011, 2:37 am

Oh god, his mouth...he was…he was amazing…

Penny quickly lost all sense of time, of place, kissing him. Her existence narrowed to just the two of them and the hot, addictive slide of his mouth against hers. Why had she never thought to kiss him before, when it was like this? How could she have been his friend and neighbor for four years, and never known, or guessed, that the press and retreat of his soft…insanely soft bottom lip would cause her body to heat, her heart to pound, her mouth to case his each time he changed the angle of his approach? Her hands fell to his shoulders, wider and more solid beneath her touch that she'd ever expected, sliding along their expanse before she buried one in the base of his short-cropped hair, and let the other fall to the middle of his slender back.

He mimicked her actions and raised one long-fingered hand to cradle the back of her head, tilting her head slightly in his grasp, so he could deepen the press of his mouth against hers, his tongue pushing further into her mouth to twine and tangle with hers.

She moaned loudly against his mouth, her fingers curling tightly against his warm and bare back, her nails digging gently into his heated skin.

He answered her moan with a deeper reply, pressing forward, closer to her body so that she was tight against him. Her breasts, naked beneath her thin top, were molded to his flat chest, and she shifted restlessly beneath him.

He dropped both hands to her waist, began to tug at her tank top, lifting it to slide underneath and…

Ohhhh god.

She gasped, arching against him as his long, elegant hands rushed upward to cup her breasts. His slender fingers curling over them as he trapped her tight nipples between his thumbs and forefingers, rolling them softly beneath the gentle vice of his grip, tugging at them with a quick, unbearably light touch.

"Sheldon…" she cried, hands now moving over his back with speed, directionless and distracted, consumed with the hot, blossoming ache between her thighs…

His head fell to her shoulder, and she felt his mouth press there, and then—

Then a cold draft of air as he pulled away, his hands stilling against her, his whole body suddenly tense.

"Sweetie?" she asked, still wrapped in the fog of her quick responses. Something was wrong, something was—

One long, slender hand tightened its grip on her breast. Seemed to pause, to consider.

"Sheldon? What is it? What's wrong?"

She could just make out his face in the gloom. He was frowning, seemingly deep in thought. Another gentle squeeze of her breast, a thoughtful pause…

"Ducks," he muttered.

"What?" She'd hardly heard him, he'd spoken so softly.

"Ducks," he repeated.

What?

She wasn't entirely certain if she heard him right. Her pulse was pounding in her ears, and she couldn't focus when he was touching her like this.

But all of his former heat was momentarily absent as he touched her now, in a more clinical, scientific manner, as if trying to piece together a puzzle. She started to worry then that something was really wrong, that he was having a relapse, or something. First a dizzy spell, and now random comments about ducks, which had nothing to do with her brea—

Ducks!

Of course, she thought, from that time I fell in the shower, and he drove me to the hospital. The time he'd first touched her bare breast, by accident.

"Sheldon—do you remember something?"

She tried not to panic at the idea, at the possibility, that he was starting to remember everything. She didn't want to think about what it meant that she was afraid of what would happen when he did, that she wasn't ready for him to return to what he once was, that what was happening now…or rather, what had almost happened, would only be a fluke, a bizarre accident of circumstances, and nothing more.

She felt her body cool as her dread increased, as his silence and stillness continued. He was still frowning, looked like the answer he wanted was on the tip of his tongue—

Oh no…no no…she thought, desperate to delay the inevitable.

He raised his eyes to hers, and there was such confusion, such a look of sadness and loss in his eyes, that she was instantly ashamed of herself for wishing he wouldn't remember, just yet, who he was, what he was, what they were to each other…

"Penny…I don't know what's the matter with me. I think I might remember…something…but it doesn't make any sense. All I see are ducks. Little, yellow, smiley ducks…"

Penny began to pull herself away from him, away from his touch, already mourning the loss of contact, of heat, the sense of completion—

"With umbrellas," she added, before she could stop herself, cursing her runaway mouth. "Whimsical duckies with umbrellas…"

His frown cleared instantly as his brows shot upward, a look of surprise washing over his face at her words, a look of concentration as he struggled to remember.

"Yes!" he said, excited and breathless. "Umbrellas…but why?"

He looked downward, towards the floor, seemingly unaware that his hands were still buried under her top, still curled possessively over the round edges of her breasts, though she was trying to pull away completely, to break the contact. She was stopped in her movements, gasping in shock when he pressed forward instinctively and tightened his hold on her, suddenly squeezing both of her breasts in his hands, lightly juggling them as if weighing them, or attempting to memorize their exact dimensions and shape.

"This is so…familiar…" he muttered, unaware of the effect his hands were having on her, even when his touch was distracted, removed.

Even in the midst of this situation, uncertain what was happening, and if he were about to remember everything or not, Penny found herself smirking at his words.

So this was familiar, huh? To quote him, using one of his favorite expressions, in what universe was he intimately familiar with her breasts, or routinely copping a feel without her noticing?

But her mirth was short lived. One moment Sheldon was pressed close to her, his hands on her body as he sought to recall some buried memory, and the next he was pulling away from her, brow creasing as he brought his hands to his forehead, wincing at the sudden flash of pain that had him staggering before her. A dizzy spell, just like earlier—

When she'd come back upstairs after seeing Leonard take off in his cab, after the most frustrating and pointless conversation of her life, she had decided to come check on Sheldon like she's promised Mary she would when they'd said goodbye just a couple of hours before at El Monte airport. She'd hadn't bothered to knock, assuming that Sheldon was still sleeping, since he'd gone to lay down just before they left to drop his mother off at the airport, claiming he was really tired.

But he was awake, and she gasped in surprise, startled to find him not only awake, but standing in front of the wide open bay window in their living room, still as stone, hands curled into fists at his sides, a fierce scowl slanting his mouth. She didn't know why, but he looked angry about something. Really pissed off. But she thought that he looked awfully pale, too, beneath the hard expression on his face, and so she'd rushed over to him without thinking, asking him what was wrong.

"Nothing," he'd snapped then. His voice little more than a low growl, a disgruntled rumble. But she'd ignored the sound of his voice and reached out for him, asking him if he was really okay, that he looked pale—

And that tall, willowy form began to sway before her, pitching slightly one way and then the other, as he gasped, pressing his hands to him temples as a sharp pain shot through him, and she rushed to stop him from falling as he said, through tight lips, that he was suddenly so dizzy, and he couldn't see…

"Sheldon!" she called sharply, reaching for him now, truly frightened at the recurrence of this strange and inexplicable pain, the dizziness. This was the second time in less than 12 hours he'd had some sort of dizzy spell. She had to get him to a hospital. Right away—

She must have said the last part aloud, because Sheldon jerked away from her when she tried to grab his shoulder and pull her against him before he fell. He pushed away from her, a hard set to his jaw, the line of his mouth.

"Not going to the hospital—"

Just like yesterday afternoon. Right away with the denial.

"Sheldon…" she warned, ready to do battle. She wasn't about to back down from his laughable attempts at intimidation. She could take anything he could dish out, and then some. Not matter how ornery, tall, and stubbled…and half-dressed…and growly-manly voiced…and…and…

"I'm not going," he said again, just as grumpy as before, but she relaxed somewhat, as she could clearly see from the loosening of his features that the pain was already passing, as well as the dizziness. And while relieved, she wasn't going to just let this go—

"Too bad," she snapped, grabbing hold of his shoulder again, trying to ignore the pale slice of flat, wide chest she was currently presented with, swallowing past the sudden lump in her throat when she recalled how just a short while before she was tracing the length of his bare chest as he greedily swallowed cool water from a bottle in the fridge. Tried to forget that sweet, shadowed suggestion of muscle in his flat stomach. The dark heated look in his eyes as he stalked her across the living room floor…

He pulled his shoulder down and away from her grip in a surprisingly fluid and agile move, one long hand rising up to close around her wrist, holding it immobile in his tight, very strong grip, as he continued to snarl his displeasure at her. His tall, half-dressed form looming over her, the flash of his blue eyes tracing over her face, his soft mouth hovering close…

"I said…I'm not going," he growled, eyes raking over her form in one long, hot sweep.

Ohhhh boy…

And lord help her, because just like that, she was so turned on…again.

Full, immediate, ready-to-go, all-cylinders-running, bona fide arousal. She exhaled a shaky breath, her face flushing with excitement. This was so, so wrong, but it was so, so right, too—

"Yes you are…" she snapped back, tugging hard against his grip. Hoping he'd take the bait, sense her need—

And he did. Oh yes he did—

Because he pulled hard against her grip in reaction, tugging her forward and tight against him, reaching for her other hand and trapping it in his, putting them together behind her as he held them in a tight grip, like handcuffs, against the small of her back.

"Let me go, Sheldon..."

She was trying for defiant, but it came out all wrong, more like the greedy, lustful command it really was. She was having a hard time gathering breath, trembling against him. Ready to climb him like a jungle gym, should he let go of her. "You're going to the hospital, whether you like it or not…"

And that time she managed to harden her voice with an air of challenge, of command, trying to loosen his grip on her wrists behind her back (though not trying too hard, of course).

And he responded to her moves by pushing her back against the column she had so recently left, raising her hands above her head, pinning them against the pillar, eyes skating down the length of her body, assessing, coveting…and it was so, so hot…

"Oh yeah," he said, leaning forward, her wrists caught beneath his tight hold, "make me…"

And there it was, that super villain smirk, the one that looked so much like it always did, whenever he was really pissed and riled up, but gone was the weird innocence that used lurk in the background. Now it was the heated gaze of a virile, ready-when-you-are type of man…

Oh…this was so wrong…


	7. What Howard Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes people just know things, before anyone else realizes that it's true, or obvious, or inevitable...

Last time:

And there it was, that super villain smirk, the one that looked so much like it always did, whenever he was really pissed and riled up, but gone was the weird innocence that used lurk in the background. Now it was the heated gaze of a virile, ready-when-you-are type of man…

Oh…this was so wrong…

.

.

Sunday, May 15, 2011, Huntington Memorial Hospital, 10:13am

The sharp buzz of the patient call alarm sounded again, for the tenth time this hour, it seemed.

Nurse Humpal looked up at the call board in irritation, noted the room number, 1031, and sighed in frustration.

She punched the com button.

"Yes, Mr. Cooper?" This guy was something else. She liked him a lot better comatose, and she suspected she would not be alone in that sentiment.

"Dr. Cooper," came the quick correction. Funny how he seemed to remember that little detail, if nothing else.

"Yes…" she replied, struggling to maintain an even tone. She loved the guy, really, but today he was a certified Pain In The Ass. "Dr. Cooper. How can I help you?"

"It's been ten minutes," he began…

Yep. Better than a Timex, this guy.

"And if you recall, I asked if you would inform me, in precisely ten minutes, if Dr. Brown had returned to the ward."

Nurse Humpal flashed her middle finger to the intercom, taking a perverse thrill in the realization that he could not see the juvenile, perfectly human gesture, considering the provocation.

"I do recall," she replied, only to be cut off by the abrupt comeback—

"Yes. I'm sure you do, but I don't appreciate the rude gesture. I was merely asking for an update. Has Dr. Brown returned to the ward?"

Startled, momentarily thrown by his weird, seemingly prescient abilities, Nurse Humpal sat back in her chair, mouth hanging open in shock.

"How did you—"

"Simple deduction," came the crisp reply. "I noted earlier that you were wearing a blue woolen sweater with bulky sleeves. They, the sleeves, that is, make a rustling noise when you move your arms. Given our previous interactions, and your decided predilection for emphatic gesticulation, it was obvious what you were doing, given the silence."

Wow. This guy was like a weird, OCD version of Sherlock Holmes. Such an interesting and infuriating man at the same time. She chuckled in site of herself.

"My apologies, Dr. Cooper, but I'm sorry to inform you that Dr. Brown has not yet returned to the ward, and as of now, I'm not certain when that will be."

A sigh passed through the intercom.

She could almost picture the look on his face at this development. He'd been up and at 'em since 4 this morning, harassing the staff in one way or another, eager to be released. It was a miracle he was even talking, considering that just a week ago he'd been in critical condition with severe intracranial edema. Whoever had attacked him had really done a number on him, and she truly hoped that whoever had hurt him would be caught and punished to the severest extent of the law.

"Couldn't you give me an estimation?"

It was her time to sigh. "I'm sorry, Dr. Cooper, but as I said—"

"Sheldon Lee Cooper! Are you sassin' the hospital staff?"

Nurse Humpal sat back and smirked in amusement, entertained by this new development. Looks like Momma's here, Dr. Cooper.

"No…" came the humbled reply. Nurse Humpal bent forward and turned up the volume of the intercom, anxiously awaiting the next exchange. She was joined by two of the other RN's on duty, listening intently and very amused, stifling laughter.

"No, what?"

"No, M'am."

"No, Hwhat?" There was that Texas twang, in full force.

A pause. A respectful silence.

"No…Mamma."

"Thought so."

The intercom cut out with a sharp chirp, and the ladies collapsed in laughter.

.

.

Sunday, May 15, 2011, Later that afternoon...

It was nearly 1 o'clock in the afternoon when they finally released him, and Sheldon was extraordinarily eager to leave the hospital and return home…to whatever and wherever home was, of course. This new, semi-ignorant existence was wondrous and infuriating all at the same time. How strange it was, to know everything and yet nothing! He could recall line after line of Shakespeare (not that Shakespeare was in any manner a challenge to recollect or comprehend) but he couldn't recognize his own mother!

It was bad enough to lie in bed for days on end, bored to tears from staring at the same pale yellow walls, without having to suffer through an endless shuffle of "visitors" as well. Strangers, really, that had come and gone over the last seven days. Among them a young Indian man with selective mutism named Rajesh, a young man with a severe oedipal complex (and astonishing capacity for sexual deviance) named Howard, and a short and unpleasant man named Leonard.

His friends, he was told. Without any memory of them to ground him, he was forced to rely on his intuition of all things, his…emotions…to guide him, because that's all he had to go on. Absurd as it was, it seemed his gut was to be his only guide for the time being.

The only confront during his sojourn in the recovery ward was the constant presence of his mother and…and her of course.

Penny.

My Penelope, as he thought of her.

"I knew it…" the young man with the oedipal/sexual deviance issues had muttered one afternoon last week during such a "visitation," after observing the interaction between himself and Penny. Despite his flaws, Sheldon found he sincerely liked the man, even though there was a residual sort of disappointment that lingered in his gut every time he encountered him. There was a similar feeling towards Rajesh; an old, familiar feeling of regret, disappointment, and mistrust, mingled with a genuine sort of affection.

But it was nothing compared to his instinctive feelings towards him.

The homunculus.

Leonard.

He was not comfortable in the realm of feelings. He much preferred facts. Cold, irrefutable, infallible facts. Quantifiable facts.

But there were none to be had.

He was a blank slate, a Tabula Rasa, without any knowledge of his past associations with this man. All he knew was that there was something unresolved between them. Something of dire import. He did not know this from fact, which he would have preferred, but from feeling, because every time he saw the man he could not help but feel it—a deep hurt, like an internal bruise that would not heal.

Of course, it could have something to do with the way he touched her. Looked at her. At Penny. His Penny.

That was another feeling—damn these feelings—that he could not deny. She was his, somehow. His. And she felt the same.

Didn't she?

"You knew what?" he had asked Howard that afternoon, after his mysterious and sotto voce declaration that he knew "it."

Howard had avoided his eyes, seemed to shrink into himself a little. Sheldon had the sudden understanding that this was not the way things usually transpired between them. Howard, he thought, was normally bold and confident in his interactions with him, but this time he seemed hesitant, uncertain.

"You and Penny…" Howard had replied unhelpfully, lowering his volume even further, if that were possible, bordering now on inaudible.

Sheldon sat up in his bed, carefully watching his friend, assessing, analyzing his features, gestures, body language.

"You knew what?" he'd repeated.

Howard shuffled his feet, clearly nervous.

"Howard?"

"Nothing," the other man answered instead. "Forget it. Now's not the time…"

The arrival of Dr. Brown unfortunately cut the conversation short, and though he tried to resume that conversation on several occasions afterward, Howard remained elusive, damn him.

Sunday, May 15, 2011, About 2:30pm

Now he was on the way home, at last. Leonard was driving; he and his mother were safely ensconced in the backseat, Howard was in front riding passenger.

"Maybe once we get home it'll all come back to you," Leonard was saying, glancing at Sheldon in the rearview mirror.

Sheldon nodded, not willing, or able to form an actual reply. Now that he was seated in close quarters with Leonard he was unable to stifle the continual feeling of discomfort in his presence. Ignorant and clumsy with feelings as he was, it had taken him some time to pinpoint exactly what he felt when in the company of his best friend and roommate, but after long contemplation it became clear: he was angry with Leonard.

"Sheldon?" Leonard asked, glancing back at him through the mirror once again. "Did you hear what I said?"

He knew that if he didn't answer his mother would intervene, and wishing to forestall her wrath, (though she was dozing in the seat beside him, Sheldon knew she would stir the moment she sensed he was being rude to Leonard) so he forced himself to vocalize a reply:

"Yes…perhaps you're right." Then he could not help himself, even though he'd sworn not to ask:

"When is Penny coming home?"

Leonard glanced at him once again, a slight frown bending his brow downward. "She had to work a double at the Factory…so…not until 3 or 4 at least."

Sheldon glanced at his watch.

2:23pm.

Soon, then.

Good.

Perhaps he'd muttered that last bit aloud, because Howard turned in his seat to glance back at him as well, an intense, studied look on his face.

"What?" Sheldon asked, curiosity aroused. It was time to have that talk again. The talk about IT.

"Nothing," Howard muttered after a moment, turning away.

Sheldon stopped himself from pressing the issue. He did not want to wake his mother, not until they arrived home, so it could wait, but not for much longer.

Because he would not let this go. He would do all he could to find out what it was that Howard knew, come hell or high water.


	8. Summary of the Rest of the Story As I Had Originally Planned It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is one long, explanatory note summarizing what I had planned to write for the rest of the story.

An explanation, an apology—

Hello Everyone.

I regret very much to inform anyone that is still interested in this story that I have decided not to continue with it and that it will not be finished. I'm not happy with this decision, but ultimately I felt I had no other choice.

I Got Sick:

Last year, I spent 4 months in the hospital from complications of ruptured ovarian cysts. Naturally I thought of nothing but a return to health and getting my body free from pain. I would never wish what happened to me on anyone…

Once I started to recover, and had some time on my hands, I decided to get caught up on the 6th and 7th seasons of Big Bang Theory.

I Began to Hate the Show:

I was disgusted, I'm sorry to say. I was supremely disappointed that the show runners and writers thought it was comedy gold to continually cast Penny as the alcoholic slut who's good for nothing (as far as Leonard is concerned) but her body and how often she sexes Leonard with it. I didn't like Leonard, and began to dislike him even more as time when on, because he's only proven to be the same selfish, emotionally greedy and manipulative bastard that he's been since the beginning of the series.

I was just as deeply disappointed that they also decided to continually cast Sheldon as an emotionally and even intellectually constipated child, and saddled him with a girlfriend that is just as emotionally manipulative and greedy as Leonard, only hornier. As I've said before, I have no problem with Mayim Bialik (I actually adore her as a person and a actress) or Johnny Galeki, but I do deeply dislike the characters they portray. I started to ask myself why I still watched it when it bothered me so much, so I simply stopped watching the show, and stopped caring about the Sheldon/Penny pairing. Why should I waste my time on this garbage?

The Story: What I Planned:

But I feel that I should at least offer some closure to this story, since so many people were kind enough to leave reviews and comments in the first place, as well as ask me privately whether or not I planned to continue the story. I've been feeling very ashamed of myself for dropping this story without an explanation, so I thought I would share what it was I had planned to write-what sort of story I was envisioning and how it would all end.

The Story:

Here's what I had plotted and planned for Penny:

Feeling depressed and lost after the harsh rejection she'd received after her last audition, Penny went shopping and recklessly spent the last of her tip money on a pair of old high heels at a thrift store. She did this before she sought out Sheldon's company at the apartment in the beginning of the story.

Even though her impulsive actions caused her some financial hardship at first, she found herself taking the shoes out of her closet one night and sat down to rework them. Just as she had been crafty with the Penny Blossoms in show canon, I took that trait and returned to it to develop it further. It was a type of therapy for her to restore and re-craft the shoes, which she eventually restored to a truly beautiful and unique creation, because in my universe for the story, she had a true talent for design.

She was showing them off at work some time later, (not wearing them, just showing them) and a customer, another woman, saw them and asked where she had bought them. When Penny said that she had made them herself from an old pair of high heels, the woman asked her if she was interested in selling them. On the spur of the moment, Penny decided to go for it and named a hefty price: 80 dollars (she needed money for gas and groceries.) The woman agreed and handed the money over.

Word of mouth spread and the woman returned to the Cheescake Factory the next week, stating that several of her friends were also interested in her remade shoes. She quickly agreed to craft several pairs and when she had finished them, she contacted the woman and threw a re-crafted shoe party. She sold every pair at 80 to 90 dollars a piece, making more money in one night than she did all month serving. She started to re-craft more shoes, and then she branched out into re-making clothes and redesigning purses as well, all from old thrift store finds.

Sheldon, still in amnesia mode, got wind of this venture and decided to offer her some money to start up a small business from her home. It really began to take off, and soon she was seriously considering quitting her serving job and re-crafting full time. She still devoted some of her time to the pursuit of acting, but it wasn't so important to her anymore now that she'd found a new and profitable outlet for her creative talents. Most importantly, she'd discovered something truly valuable about herself and felt contented and happy in the knowledge that she was a creative and talented person after all, acting aside.

As for her relationship with Sheldon: she spends a private week with him getting to know his essential self, the Sheldon that existed underneath all the paranoia, germ phobia and autistic type behaviors that had buried him under their weight and influence for so long. As Sheldon was free of his inhibitions, and spurred on by various revelations and recent events, he and Penny quickly develop a teasingly sexual (they don't do it until later) and romantic relationship. They spend their private week doing the things that Sheldon had never allowed himself to do: dinner, dancing, star-gazing, picnics in the park, long make-out sessions and my personal favorite: horseback riding with Penny in wine country. The week ends with intense and passionate love-making. Eventually, things come to a head and both Penny and Sheldon have to decided what course their future would take—because:

Sheldon:

Several things happened after Sheldon returned from the hospital, still amnesiac from his injury. That afternoon, before his mother and the others came to apartment for the welcome home party, Sheldon woke from a nap in his room and began to make his bed, and as he was smoothing the fitted sheets he touched something bulky and heavy hidden beneath the mattress. He pulled out two composition notebooks. One had Einstein's formula for general relativity written on the cover, the other had sketches of daisy-like flowers and the periodic table symbol for copper: in other words, Penny. He began to read through these journals, and what he read as an unfiltered and tabula rasa man startled him. He had such longing and attraction for Penny since he'd first seen her, but he would never allow himself to explore it, or admit it, or risk anything.

The other had some of his more brilliant ideas and theories, also untested because he lacked confidence in himself. In this same journal, he reads several entries in Leonard's betrayal in the Arctic. What he reads greatly disturbs him, and he wonders why he and Leonard had remained friends at all.

During the welcome home party, Howard admits to Sheldon that he's always sensed an attraction between he and Penny, and he encourages Sheldon to do something about it: "you got a once-in-a-lifetime chance here, Sheldon. A chance to start over. Take a chance, go for her—"

Later that afternoon, just after the party, he is standing by the open window when Leonard and Penny are waiting on the curb for his cab so he can return to the conference. He overhears Leonard trying to persuade Penny to get back together with him, hears Leonard insult him by calling him an emotional and sexual eunuch. He laughs at the notion that Penny could be attracted to him, or Sheldon to her. But Penny defends Sheldon and tells Leonard that she isn't interested in getting back together with him. They part in anger and silence.

Sheldon naturally feels betrayed and very angry and hurt, so he makes a promise right then and there that he is going to take a chance. So when he wakes up later that night and finds a half-dressed Penny watching him from the darkness, he makes his move. He begins a week-long seduction of her, making love to her by degrees, but he also romances her, taking her out and doing the things I described earlier.

When Leonard returns, they continue their relationship, but secretly. Not because they fear Leonard or want to spare him hurt, but because they want to avoid the confrontation and continue to enjoy their new happiness on their own while they can—

Then Sheldon gets a message from the head of his department. A giant, glossy conglomerate company wants to recruit him as their pet physicist, but they've discovered the Arctic debacle and are cautious in approaching him, so they go through Siebert. Siebert calls Sheldon into his office and advises him to take the chance at remaking himself and escaping the dead-end of the university track. "You have a chance to remake yourself, Dr. Cooper. You can distance yourself from your this Arctic business and make a new future…"

Penny and Sheldon fight over the future of both their lives and their future endeavors, (because Sheldon wants that Nobel prize very badly) so Sheldon decides to take the new job and leave Pasadena. As he's packing, he steps on something that falls out of pocket of a bathrobe from his closet. It's a yellow Penny Blossom. All of a sudden, he starts to reel as memories rush back to him. He staggers and falls to his bed, clutching the little yellow flower in his hand.

He remembers the afternoon he was attacked on campus. He fought back because the kids that jumped him made him think of all the attacks he endured as a child growing up. Since he lashes out so fiercely, the kids beat him up very badly. He falls to the pavement, head bleeding badly, and as his visions fades and he's on the verge of fading out, he realizes he might truly die. In those final moments, as he's struggling to hold on to consciousness, his eyes catch sight of some Black-Eyed Susans framing the path. (A yellow, daisy-like flower). And he thinks of Penny. His last thought, before he loses consciousness, is that he never got the chance to tell Penny that he wants her, that he might even love her, that he felt drawn to her from the moment they met. And he regrets that he will never get that chance.

Back in the present, memories returned and processing all that he has experienced with Penny during his recovery, he realizes he loves Penny after all. He decides not to take the job and go after her, to tell her he loves her and wants their future to be one where they are together.

"My last thought, when I thought I was dying, wasn't about the Nobel, but about you. I think I understand now what I want for my life, what's most important, and it's you, Penny."

And that's how it ends. He kisses her, arms wrapped around her back, crushing the Penny Blossom against her back.

So that was my story. I hope this offers some closure.

Thank You—

Julie


End file.
